


A Kept Secret

by Halibugz



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Burn scar, FTM, Medication, PTSD, PTSD!Rin, Scars, Testosterone, Trans Rin, Transgender, attempt anyway, burn - Freeform, depictions of violence, ftm rin, ftm rin okumura, good brother yukio, guys he's a boy, i'll update warnings as they apply, mtf, mtf izumo kamiki, probably inaccurate medical information, trans rin okumura
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-06-30 04:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15744477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halibugz/pseuds/Halibugz
Summary: When Yukio Okumura returns to True Cross Academy for his second year, he brings an unexpected student; his twin brother, Rin, who he had kept a secret from his friends at the Academy. Rin is keeping a secret of his own, though. FTM!Rin (No demon au). TEMPORARY HIATUS.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Blue Exorcist/Ao no Exorcist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m like 90% sure this is the first fic I’ve written since my name change. Yeah, did you notice it? I switched from floofeymarshmallow because it was heavily associated with my ex and I just didn’t feel like having it any longer. 
> 
> Oh, and I changed my major! Yep, I now have a useless teaching degree I’ll never use. 
> 
> And it’s also my birthday today. I feel old.

“Hey, Okumura!” Shima called as he approached Yukio Okumura, who was busily carrying bags up to the dorm he would be staying in for the schoolyear. “How’s it going?”

Shima and Yukio had met in their first year at True Cross Academy, and the two of them – along with their entire group of friends – were second years now. All the students attending the Academy were busily moving in to their dorm rooms, including Yukio and Shima. Fortunately, Yukio got lucky and was placed in the same dorm building as all the friends he had acquired in his first year.

Shima was a good kid, despite the pink dye in his hair, which he had done out of an act of rebellion against his parents before coming to the school. Everyone had tried to convince him to let the dye out, but he hadn’t yet. Still, that had nothing to do with the genuine personality the student possessed.

“Just unpacking for the school year,” Yukio replied as he adjusted his glasses. “I heard one of the dorm houses are closed for repairs, so there won’t be any personal dorms this year.” Usually, students were able to request single rooms. Well, it cost extra, and amenities like that weren’t available to scholarship students like Yukio.

“Yeah, I guess it sucks for the rich kids,” Shima joked. When Yukio first joined True Cross Academy, he had befriended other scholarship students. The rich kids usually snubbed those around them that didn’t belong. While Yukio didn’t belong with them, he hadn’t been pushed away. He was actually welcomed by different girls in his class that weren’t scholarship students. He had been the class representative after all. Still, he soon found his own kind, and the others had accepted him. All of the friends Yukio had made during the last year attended the academy on scholarship. “I just requested my roommates as Bon and Konekomaru.”

Suguro, who was called ‘Bon’ by Shima and Konekomaru, were childhood friends. When they came to the academy, Suguro had been impressed with Yukio’s academics, and they became quick friends.

Suddenly, Shima noticed that Yukio had not one, but two suitcases in his possession. Usually students only brought one suitcase, since most of the time they were in their school uniforms anyway. They really just needed a few outfits for when they weren’t attending classes and undergarments.

“What’s with the extra suitcase?” Shima asked curiously. “Don’t tell me you got a roommate that’s too lazy to carry his own bag,” he whined out. He didn’t want to be constantly dealing with some bratty kid whenever he tried to talk to Yukio. “Or do you have girly magazines in it?” Shima joked, wiggling his eyebrows a bit. Yukio simply shook his head at his friend’s behaviour. There was always one pervert in a group, and it was Shima. He couldn’t help but be reminded of his brother by the pink-haired teen.

“Actually, no,” Yukio answered as he looked down at the slightly battered suitcase compared to his own. They were identical except for the wear and tear Rin’s poor suitcase took. “It’s my brother’s. We’re rooming for the year.”

“You never told me you had a brother,” Shima spoke, and Yukio was guilty. He simply hadn’t told his friends about his brother, and it wasn’t like they ever visited his home since they met. “Is he a first year?”

“No, he’s a second year,” Yukio answered. “We’re twins,” he added to avoid confusion. Usually Yukio found that he never told anyone he was a twin since Rin was always there. In the past year, though, he hadn’t been.

“Twins?” Shima laughed a bit. “When I imagined meeting twins at school I thought they would be babes! Instead there’s a clone of the nerdy kid next door,” he joked. Yukio couldn’t help the chuckle emitting from his chest. “So, do you two play pranks and stuff? Like, trick people with you being twins?” Shima was getting excited. How fun would it be to screw with people being a twin?

“You got me; I’m not Yukio.” He never understood why people wanted to know about pranks. Didn’t all siblings get into trouble together? Well, he and Rin didn’t really. In fact, Yukio liked to think he calmed Rin down a bit.

“Very funny, but I think I would know you out of all other dorks,” Shima replied. The two shared a laugh before they were interrupted by a, “Yukio!” and a shorter teenager peering through the doorway of the dorm room.

“Hey, Rin,” Yukio greeted as he turned slightly to see his brother. “You want to unpack your stuff, or should I?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in his way of telling Rin to unpack his bag.

“Yes, oh wonderful master. Your wish is my command.” Rin smirked before noticing the pink-haired teen. “Who’s this?” he asked.

“This is Renzo Shima,” Yukio introduced. “Shima, this is my twin brother, Rin.”

“Older twin brother,” Rin corrected.

“Kinda short for an older brother, don’tcha think?” Shima joked with a smirk, earning a glare from Rin. “So, you a geek like Okumura?”

“Psh; you wish,” Rin replied, easing up a bit. “You should see my collection*,” Rin replied, smirking a bit.

“Collection?” Yukio asked, raising an eyebrow and eyeing his brother down.

“Nothing, nothing.” Rin froze a bit, not wanting the youngest Okumura to catch on. Shima laughed at the two. No, this certainly wasn’t what he was hoping when he thought about meeting twins at school. In fact…there was something else missing.

“You know, you two don’t look alike at all,” Shima commented. While their hair colour was the same, Yukio was taller and more buff while Rin was shorter and lankier. Their faces and eyes weren’t even the same shape, though they were both variations of blue. While Yukio had moles, Rin had his own oddity. A puckered scar running down from the bottom of his right eye to his chin. Shima didn’t comment on it. The kid probably had tons of people who would ask about it or shy away from it. He didn’t want to be that guy.

“Fraternal,” the twins answered simultaneously. They were no strangers to that observation. They looked more alike when they were younger, but puberty hit Yukio like a brick and waited just a bit longer for Rin.

“You know what? We should all hang out together before school starts,” Shima suggested. “We’ve still got today and tomorrow, and we can get the whole gang back together.”

“That sounds like fun,” Rin commented, growing an excited tone. Yukio watched his brother carefully. He wanted to ask Rin if he was sure. He wanted to stop Rin from getting too attached to anyone. But with Shima here, he didn’t think it was a promising idea. “So, do you and Yukio have the same friends?” Rin aske.

“Yeah, I came to school with my childhood friends and he kind of joined the group. Brought along a couple of girls too,” Shima answered. “Did you and Yukio share friends when you were in junior high?”

“Not really,” Rin answered. There was a moment of awkward silence. “We just didn’t really hang with the same crowds back then. He was nerdy. I was…not.”

“Why don’t we go see Shiemi and Kamiki while we wait for Suguro and Konekomaru?” Yukio suggested, successfully changing the subject.

“Sure; I think they’re already at their dorm room,” Shima replied.

Yukio put away his and Rin’s suitcases before walking over to the girl’s dorm house. It was during this time that Shima and Yukio gave Rin a brief tour since they knew where the buildings were from the year before. When arriving to the dorm house, Yukio asked around to find where Shiemi and Kamiki were staying. They found the door open as the girls working to unpack their belongings.

“Yuki! Shima!” Shiemi squeaked when she saw the three. She rushed to give Yukio a hug before parting. “I’m so excited to be back at school again so we can see each other.”

“I was surprised when I heard you guys would be rooming together,” Shima commented, referring to Kamiki and Shiemi. Usually Kamiki requested a room with her childhood friend, Paku. Kamiki and Shiemi weren’t the best of friends, but…they dealt with each other. “What happened to Paku?”

“Hospital,” Kamiki answered shortly. She had been in their group of friends during their first year before, but eventually she was confined to her dorm room when the school nurse and therapist diagnosed her with an eating disorder. She had to quit all her after-school activities, and the eating disorder only worsened during the summer.

“Oh, I know you!” Shiemi exclaimed when she noticed Rin. She barely had to look at him before figuring it out. “You must be Rin! Father Fujimoto mentioned Yuki having a brother. I knew it as soon as I looked at you; the two of you look just alike!”

“Really?” Rin and Yukio asked at the same time. Yukio gave the blonde an incredulous look, but Rin’s tone held that of surprise and slight hope. Reactions like Shima’s were understandable and normal. But no one ever said they looked alike these days unless it was their dad or brothers. Especially not with the ugly scar across his face. Shima hadn’t mentioned it and Shiemi had seen past it. Rin wondered if that meant good things for the school year.

“Of course; it’s nice to meet you,” Shiemi greeted. “My name is Shiemi Moriyama. Father Fujimoto visits my family’s pharmacy all the time, so I’ve heard a lot about you and Yuki.” Rin wondered just how much she knew.

“Oh, my dad mentioned your pharmacy before,” Rin replied. “I wonder if I’ve ever been before…” he wondered aloud. Usually he didn’t tag along with his father anywhere, but there were times when he did.

“Isn’t Father Fujimoto the Headmaster’s friend?” Shima asked. “How does he know who Okumura’s brother is?”

“Father Fujimoto is our father,” Yukio answered, not mentioning the fact that the Headmaster was actually his and Rin’s older half-brother.

“What?” Shima and Kamiki asked in shock.

“Well, yeah, that’s how I got in with Yukio at such late notice,” Rin commented. With his brother being the Headmaster, he was able to get in _very_ quickly. He could still hear Mephisto’s excitement in his head. _“Oh, Rin; what an honour that you would want to join my fine institution!”_ It sent shivers down his spine.

“You never said your dad was a priest,” Shima muttered. “I guess you kept your personal life pretty secret.”

“It wasn’t secret,” Yukio replied. “You never asked, so I never said anything. If you want to know something, ask and be direct.”

“Do you have a secret triplet?” Shima asked. Yukio just looked at Rin and the two shared a laugh. “Anyway, we were just killing time while we waited for Bon and Konekomaru,” Shima explained to the girls. “While Okumura’s growing a triplet, wanna see if they’re at their dorm?”

“I’d love to, but Kamiki and I really need to finish unpacking, and we still need to pick some things up from the campus store,” Shiemi replied. “We’ll see you later, though, right?”

“Of course,” Yukio answered. After saying their goodbyes, the three headed back to the boys’ dorm house to see of the others had arrived. Shima led the Okumura brothers to the dorm he was staying in, conveniently next to the brothers’, when Suguro walked up behind them.

“Shima, Okumura; nice to see you two,” Suguro greeted. While he, Shima, and Konekomaru were all from the same hometown, they had to leave at different times due to family matters. Suddenly, he noticed Rin. “Who’s this?”

“This is my twin brother, Rin,” Yukio introduced. “He’s attending the academy this year.”

“Twins, huh? Didn’t see that coming,” Suguro commented. “Guess you’re even an overachiever in the womb,” he joked.

“Very funny.” Rin rolled his eyes.

“Rin, this is Ryuji Suguro,” Yukio told the shorter twin. “Shima and Konekomaru call him Bon.”

“Hey there, Suguro,” Rin greeted, looking up and down at the punk kid in front of him. He was…so cool! He had Rin’s dream bod and looked so badass!

“When were you preparing to tell us you had a brother?” Suguro asked as he dropped the box he had been carrying.

“Probably when he was going to tell us his dad is a priest who is friends with the Headmaster,” Shima mentioned.

“No shit?” Suguro was impressed. He hadn’t expected this nerdy kid to be hiding several bombshells. He would need to visit Yukio more often. “So, what’s up with the massive scar on your face?” Suguro asked. Rin blinked in surprise. He shouldn’t have been; people came up and asked about it all the time. Some people just assumed he was a delinquent or he was with the Yakuza. But it still didn’t get any easier when someone _did_ ask. Yukio was about to change the subject when, to his surprise, Shima came to the rescue.

“Come on, Bon, don’t ask so nonchalantly like that,” Shima scolded. “Don’t worry about him; he shattered his kneecap by slipping in dog pee and now he has to wear a knee-brace when exercising**. So he’s super uncool and his opinions literally don’t matter.”

“Hey!” Suguro exclaimed, defensive about the story that had just been told about him. Rin only laughed.

Yukio looked down at his watch.

“Oh, Rin and I need to get unpacking before the day is over,” Yukio announced. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“And we’re right next door if you need us,” Rin piped up. The four went their separate ways and Rin practically collapsed on the bed.

“Rin, come on. Up,” Yukio commanded. The smaller teen groaned before rolling off the bed so he could unpack.

“The perks of being related to the Headmaster,” Rin said, mostly to himself, as he opened the door to the private bathroom in their dorm. Mephisto had given them the dorm he remodelled to have a bathroom, so his brothers wouldn’t have to fight for bathroom space anywhere else. And another reason.

“Don’t talk to yourself like that. It’s weird,” Yukio commented as Rin grabbed his box of tampons and placed them on a shelf in the bathroom. Returning to his bag, Rin began to place articles of clothing in his wardrobe while Yukio did the same with the wardrobe on the opposite side of the room. Yukio couldn’t help catching Rin looking over his school uniform. “Are you nervous?”

“A little,” Rin answered. He was worried about being in a school where no one knew him. The last time that had happened, it hadn’t ended well. But these people seemed good. Well, so did the last set of people he encountered. But he had Yukio with him. Yukio would be there this time. “But I’m excited too. I get to be in a normal school this year and we’re back at it as the unstoppable Okumura brothers!”

“Well, get your unstoppable butt ready for bed; it’s getting late,” Yukio said. Rin waved him off as he finished putting away his things, grabbing his pyjamas and rushing into the bathroom.

Yukio sighed. How was his brother going to get through this year? He had been so worried last year with Rin not well. Even now, Yukio could see the toll it took on his brother. He could see the longing look he gave to groups of friends and the faint scars on his hands. He sighed again.

 _I’m going to need to protect him,_ Yukio thought to himself. But first he observed the time and realized he needed to get to bed too. But the bathroom had been occupied for fifteen minutes. How long did it take to finish getting changed?

“Rin, it’s getting late!” Yukio shouted while Rin was hogging the bathroom. “Finish getting dressed so I can get in there!” Rin sighed, knowing he always took longer than anyone else would.

Removing his day shirt revealed the chest binder that was always keeping his breasts at bay, hiding them throughout the day and going a great job. Not that Rin had extremely large breasts anyway; they were an A-cup. Placing a comfortable and baggy pyjama shirt on, Rin exited and proceeded to lay in bed and read manga. Yukio’s manga. But Yukio was satisfied he could go to the bathroom to dress himself.

Rin was born female. But for as long as he could remember, he was Yukio Okumura’s older twin brother.

Shiro Fujimoto had twins, a son and a daughter. People often commented on how lucky he was to get one of each. And then Rin turned two and started abandoning the little dresses her older brother would buy her. She started saying she was a boy. And Shiro was worried.

He took Rin to a doctor. It was the only thing he could think of to do, and that doctor recommended a therapist. And finally, when Rin was around five-years old, Shiro discovered some people believed they were born in the wrong body, and that it was his job to support Rin throughout his transition into a man, just as he was to support Yukio throughout this same transition. Shiro began learning about what it meant to be transgender. And Rin finally felt like he was accepted, and he belonged in his family at the young age of seven.

Rin refused to call himself transgender, though. He was just Rin; Yukio Okumura’s older twin brother. So, when Rin hit puberty and received his first menstrual period, a wave of depression hit him. He felt lost; boys didn’t get a period. He hadn’t even realized it was coming. He had been about thirteen, and other girls his age were getting their periods. But Rin didn’t identify as one of them; he always saw himself as one of the guys. It had slipped everyone’s mind in their family that Rin was physically female, and his body was protesting to what everyone wanted.

It had just been a few months since Rin had started his period when he grew a stretch mark on his hip. He knew what was happening. He was growing curves and slowly becoming a woman. He didn’t want to do that! So finally, Shiro went to the doctor and decided to pay for testosterone injections so he could gain a male-like body and his voice would grow deeper. While the injections helped put a halt to his female body’s development, Rin still did receive the odd menstrual period every once in a while.

Yukio knew Rin was biologically female. He couldn’t grow up without knowing. Yukio only ever remembered his twin brother. Rin had been saying he was a boy for as long as he could speak. Rin was Yukio’s brother; it was as simple as that. But he was aware of the difficulties Rin faced because of this.

“Rin…” Yukio trailed off when he exited the bathroom and saw his brother reading manga. The shorter teen set aside the book, noting the serious atmosphere in the room. “Are you sure you’re ready to be making friends so soon?” he asked, sitting down at the end of Rin’s bed.

“What do you mean?” Rin asked as he sat up.

“Rin.” Yukio sighed. He knew Rin knew what he meant. “Your old friends found out about you and they beat you bloody for it,” he added calmly. He didn’t want to repeat that incident.

“They didn’t beat me bloody,” Rin argued, his voice barely audible. He could feel his anxiety growing as he thought about that time.

“Rin, you needed to be taken to the hospital and kept there for three weeks before they were able to release you,” Yukio reminded. “And even then, only to a protected facility to recover emotionally and physically while you attended your first year of high school.” He hated to remember those days. Rin had been beaten to the point where he was barely recognizable. He had been in a medically induced coma for almost an entire week just to recover more from his injuries. He was still on medication for pain and anxiety until they left for True Cross Academy.

There was silence.

“Well…” Rin trailed off. “What’s your point?”

“My point is, are you prepared for them to find out about you and possibly not want to be friends with you anymore?” Yukio asked. They wouldn’t beat him. That he knew for sure. But…they may feel betrayed.

“But…they’re your friends, right?” Rin asked. “You make friends with good people.”

“I do make friends with good people, Rin; they are good people. But they might feel like you’ve been lying to them,” Yukio explained.

“I never lied to anyone,” Rin defended. “I’m Rin; your brother. I’m a guy; I always have been and always will be.” He huffed, laying in his bed and getting under the covers to look away from Yukio. This was always Rin’s way of pointing, ever since they were small children.

“I didn’t say you lied; but they might feel like you did,” Yukio replied, rubbing Rin’s shoulder with a sigh before going to bed himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I was referring to a collection of porn. 
> 
> ** This is actually a true story and it happened to me. Poor little 18-year-old me got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. My dog peed on the hardwood floor right outside my bedroom door, I slipped and shattered my right kneecap. I’m 21 and I still have to wear a knee brace.
> 
> Next Update: September 20th, 2018
> 
> UPDATE: (9-20-18) If you're here to see the next chapter; I'm sorry, but ao3 won't let me post the next chapter. I will keep trying until it does, but if you'd like to read the chapter now, you kind find my fanfiction under Halibugz and read the new chapter there!
> 
> UPDATE: (10-20-18) I was finally able to post chapter two and chapter three went easily, so now there are two new chapters to read!! Sorry for that taking so long.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's September 20th! I got a few compliments about how I kept the characters in character and I really hope this chapter stays true to that. I feel like Rin and Yukio might be perceived as slightly out of character, but I think this would be how they would react in their situations. Just...just read it and let me know.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Blue Exorcist/Ao no Exorcist.

The next morning, Rin slept later than Yukio, as usual. Of course, that had become news to Shima and Suguro when they came by the brothers’ dorm to see what the Okumura twins wanted to do for the day. After entering, they instantly saw Rin underneath a mountain of blankets. At eleven.

“Does he always sleep in like this?” Suguro asked with a twitch of his nose and hardening of his eyebrows. So unmotivated. Undisciplined.

“Yeah, he’s been like this since we were babies,” Yukio replied. Rin always slept late and Shiro made a point to express how much he loved to sleep when he was a baby, though only in the day. He howled all night while Yukio woke early in the morning to greet the day just as Rin was falling asleep. “I’ll wake him up.” Yukio knelt by Rin’s bed, shaking him slightly, causing the shorter teen to mumble in his sleep. Yukio thanked whatever God there was that Rin had put on a baggy pyjama shirt for the night; he wasn’t prepared for confrontation about his brother being transgender. Not so soon. He came close to Rin, shaking him further.

“Rin, wake up.” Yukio sighed when his brother simply rolled over. “Come on, you went to bed earlier than I did. Time to wake up.”

“’M tired,” Rin slurred out, but he did sit up in bed and stretch out a bit. Yukio and the others simply watched as the raven-haired teen slumped over to the bathroom after throwing off his blankets. Yukio was relieved the baggy shirt made it almost impossible to spot any figure underneath. And Rin hadn’t even noticed the extra people in his dorm.

“Jeez, that was a waste of two minutes trying to get him out of bed,” Suguro muttered.

“Maybe he was dreaming of hot babes in a bikini contest,” Shima joked, gaining a glimmer in his eye.

“You’re projecting again.” Suguro rolled his eyes. Yep, Shima was the same as always. Perverted. Always looking for some girl to be with, though he never did get the girl. It was Yukio who was usually fawned over by girls like Shiemi.

“Wet t-shirt contest, actually,” Rin announced as he exited the bathroom after getting dressed. He had figured out Suguro and Shima came by while he was in the bathroom and was just grateful Yukio had put his day clothes in there. Sure, it was weird that Yukio did stuff like that, but it had come in handy for this situation.

Yukio rolled his eyes at his brother’s remark about dreaming but said nothing. Rin made it clear from a young age that he was interested in women. Shiro and Yukio had accepted this, but not many others in their neighbourhood did. It was troublesome when Rin reached dating age; getting into his fair share of trouble.

“It sounds like we’ll get along great, little Okumura,” Shima commented with a smirk.

“I’m the older one, jackass!” Rin exclaimed, glaring daggers at the pink-haired teen. Shima only laughed as Suguro looked Rin up and down incredulously.

“ _You’re_ the older one?” Suguro asked, surprised. No one had explained to him that Rin was the older one. Only Shima had gotten the run-down, and Shiemi already knew that Rin was Yukio’s older brother. Both twins nodded.

“I thought the same thing at first,” Shima remarked. “It’s only strange because he’s so short.” Rin was roughly the same height as Shiemi and Kamiki, though for Yukio, this wasn’t out of the ordinary. While puberty hit him like a brick and he shot up to his father’s height, Rin stayed at the average height of a girl. This meant he was short for one of the guys.

“He’s just a late bloomer; he’ll get taller,” Yukio commented, and Rin didn’t know if he should be glad his brother defended him or embarrassed by how it had been done.

“Thanks,” Rin muttered sarcastically. He didn’t want these guys to think he hadn’t gone through puberty yet or something. Luckily, his voice was deep enough that no one would question this, thanks to his testosterone supplements. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“I suggested the lake,” Shima answered. There was a lake not too far from campus where students congregated when they were on break and weren’t visiting their families. “We were taking votes. The girls said they’re in.”

“How would we get there?” Rin asked. He knew it would be fine – his dad had given him a swim chest binder that he could wear underneath a t-shirt.

“It’s just a couple blocks away, so we can walk,” Suguro answered. “The rich pansy kids all like to drive there for some reason, though.”

“Hell, they probably wouldn’t even go there without a butler to accompany them,” Shima joked. Rin caught on that they weren’t fans of the rich students who attended the academy. He knew Yukio wasn’t much of a fan either, but he never joked about it. Yukio attended the academy on scholarship, and Rin could gather that the others did as well.

“What about Konekomaru?” Yukio asked. Rin remembered Shima mentioning a Konekomaru coming by that never showed. Well, he didn’t get the chance to see him, anyway.

“He isn’t going to make it this year,” Suguro answered with a sombre expression. “He and I were supposed to come together, but he’s having family problems, so he can’t make it this year. He’s starting a school closer to home. He said he’d try to make the spring semester.”

“I’ll have to call him and see if he’s okay later today,” Yukio mused.

“We’re gonna go get dressed for the lake,” Shima said as he turned to leave with Suguro. “Meet you in a few?” Yukio nodded before the others left the room. He turned to Rin as soon as the door shut behind them.

“Are you sure about this, Rin?” Yukio asked. He was concerned, and it felt like all he had were questions lately. Rin had only ever been swimming in front of their father, the other clergymen of their monastery, and Yukio. When he was younger, he had swum at the public swimming pool once. He had been young enough that Shiro had allowed him to go shirtless. The older Rin grew, the less he swam, and when his other friends discovered his sex, he refused to go near a lake out of fear that he would be discovered again.

“It’s been a year, Yukio. I can do this,” Rin reassured his brother, digging through the remainder of clothing in his suitcase that he neglected to unpack. Finding his swim shorts and swim binder, he quickly worked at removing his pants. Yukio hastily turned around to avoid seeing anything he would regret spotting.

“How can you be so sure?” Yukio asked. How could Rin be sure that he was going to be fine? That he wasn’t going to panic at the sight of the water?

“Because the ‘protective facility’, as you like to call it, put me through extensive therapy,” Rin admitted. “They got me to the point where I can be near swimming pools and lakes; I just can’t swim.”

Yukio sighed. As a brother, he was protective over Rin. He didn’t want to trigger a phobia caused entirely by people that were supposed to be friends. But since he was Rin’s brother, Yukio would have to let him make his own decisions. If Rin said he would be fine, Yukio had to trust him.

“Are you absolutely sure you’ll be okay?” Yukio asked. “I can suggest we do something else if you want.” There would be questions. Tons of questions. But like Rin said, his friends were good people. Yukio was sure if he explained Rin’s phobia of swimming, the others would understand.

“I’ll be _fine,_ ” Rin replied in exasperation. “I just can’t go swimming. And if someone splashes me, I have my swim binder on.”

“Alright,” Yukio replied as he turned around after Rin was finished dressing. He wore blue swim-shorts and a tight-fitting t-shirt that was no doubt over his binder. “But I’m still not entirely okay with this. I’ll be watching you like a hawk.”

“Figured you would.”

After the boys finished changing, they met the girls in front of the school before heading to the lake. Rin was slowly getting to know his brother’s friends but stayed back when they arrived at the lake. Yukio stayed close to his brother, making sure to keep Rin company while the others swam.

“What’s up, you two?” Shima asked when he noticed the brothers weren’t engaging in their play. When the pink-haired teen spoke up, everyone’s eyes fell on the Okumura twins and how they had yet to get in the water.

“I’m not a big swimmer, I guess,” Yukio fibbed.

“Bull; I’ve seen you swim before,” Suguro retorted. “Get your ass in this water.” Yukio had spent plenty of weekends at the lake with them before. What was different? Suguro’s eyes lingered on Rin. He was different.

“I can’t swim,” Rin admitted, his blood rising to his cheeks in embarrassment.

“Come on, no way.” Suguro couldn’t believe that Rin couldn’t swim at sixteen-years old.

“I know how to,” Rin explained. “I just can’t swim. You guys have fun, though. I’m cool with hanging back. You too, Yukio.” He didn’t want Yukio to not participate in all the fun just because of him.

“What about the shallow end of the lake?” Shiemi suggested. She didn’t want Rin to miss out on any of the fun in the same way Rin didn’t want Yukio to.

“I’m fine, really,” Rin replied. “I don’t mind at all.” His phobia was his own problem.

“Well, I guess we have no choice,” Suguro announced as he climbed out of the lake. Rin got an odd feeling, backing away slightly. When Suguro reached to grab the teen, Rin clung tightly to Yukio. Suguro managed to successfully throw both twins into the water.

Everyone gasped when Rin fell into the water.

When Yukio resurfaced, Rin didn’t.

“Rin?!” Yukio exclaimed, searching around the water. “Rin!”

* * *

_“Okumura!” Reij Shiratori called out from the gate of their monastery. Rin looked out the window of his bedroom. Yukio was out – he didn’t know where. His dad was probably downstairs dealing with something in the monastery. The heater had broken down again and they had been working to fix it before winter came along._

_Rin smiled, rushing out the door. No one would miss him for an hour or two while he hung out with his friend. He had a friend! And Reiji had friends that Rin also lingered around. He never had friends before; it was Yukio that was his only friend. But now he had friends!_

_“Hey, Reiji!” Rin greeted when he reached the opened monastery gates. “Where are the guys?” Usually Reiji was congregated with his pack of friends, two other boys who went to their school. This time, though, he was alone._

_“I thought we’d all meet together today,” Reiji answered. Rin had a strange feeling as the white-haired boy led him to their destination. Something was different in the way his friend was acting. But it wasn’t like Reiji was the most normal acting guy. There was a reason he was friends with Rin; he wasn’t normal either._

_Eventually, Reiji led Rin to an underpass. It was just as Rin would expect one to be; dirty, darker, and slightly echoey. Reiji’s other friends stood nearby._

_“What are we doing here?” Rin asked with a raised eyebrow. He was getting a strange vibe from his friends. “If you wanted to do graffiti, we should do it somewhere people will actually see our work.” Rin liked to rebel against others, which meant breaking the law sometimes. Reiji was the same way, and that’s why they became fast friends._

_“I figured this would be a good opportunity to play truth or dare,” Reiji commented with a sinister grin. Rin’s heart pounded in his chest. What was happening?_

_“Come on, Reiji, truth or dare? That’s a girl game…” Rin laughed it off, but he was nervous. He felt a cold sweat rising on the back of his neck. The mood around him was growing even more tense, and somehow it felt like everyone was in on a secret he wasn’t apart of._

_“I think it’s fitting. Truth or dare?” Reiji asked nonchalantly. “Truth? Well, if you insist,” he added before Rin had the opportunity to respond. “Are you a girl? Yes or no.”_

_“What?!” Rin exclaimed. No was the obvious answer, but it wasn’t the one Reiji wanted to hear. Rin had never thought of himself as a girl, and he never would. Just because his body wanted him to be one didn’t mean a thing. “No!”_

_“Mind if I test the theory?” Without skipping a beat, Reiji ripped at Rin’s purple sweatshirt, pulling it off him to reveal a red undershirt. That came off as well, leaving Rin’s chest binder on full display. Reiji laughed. “You thought you could fool us all this time?! You freak!”_

_“Reiji, I swear it isn’t like this!” Rin defended. “I’m not a girl, I was just born this way. I’m a boy through and through. Just like you!” His friends were upset. Of course they were; they felt like they were being lied to all this time. But Rin wasn’t lying, and he would make sure they knew that._

_“You freak, I bet you just dress up this way because you’re such a diesel dyke,” Reiji retorted. “Couldn’t be a normal dyke with your dad being a pastor, so you_ had _to do this, you monster.”_

_“What are you saying, Reiji?” Rin asked. “I’m not a lesbian! I’m just a normal boy, but I wasn’t born right.”_

_“Right in the head!” Reiji laughed. “Hold it down, guys,” he ordered with the snap of his fingers, and his friends each came to Rin’s side to hold down the now thrashing teen. Reiji pulled out a pipe that had been sitting in flames nearby. “I think you and everyone else needs a permanent reminder of what kinda freak you are.”_

_“W-What?” Rin felt his heart beating louder than ever before. Not only was his secret out, but they were going to hurt him? Oh god, he needed to get out of there! Fast! “Reiji, you don’t have to do this! We’re friends!”_

_“I’m not friends with any freaks around here!” Reiji exclaimed. “Now when you and I both go to True Cross Academy this year, everyone will know what kind of freak you are.” He felt the heat around the pipe. It was ready. “Smile for me, Okumura!”_

_Rin felt the searing white pain run through him. Reiji had done this. Reiji had just burnt him on his face! He screamed as loud as he could. Maybe someone would come and get him? Probably not. There was so much traffic that he would be lucky if someone heard him cry out. Reiji removed the pipe not long after he had pressed it into Rin’s face, but there was no relief. Only pain._

_“Dump him in the bucket,” Reiji ordered. There was a bucket nearby with god knows what in it, but it was liquid. It resembled murky water one would find in a lake. Before Rin had a chance to get a breath from being burned, he was dumped in the water and held down._

They can’t do this! _Rin thought to himself._ We’re friends!

_But they weren’t friends. How could they be? Rin knew what he was; he knew he wasn’t quite a boy or a girl. He was just some halfa that spread misery with everyone he met._

_As the water filled his lungs, his vision went black._

* * *

When Yukio found his older brother under the water, he pulled him up, able to slap him onto the ground, safely out of the water. He pulled himself up and cursed to himself when he found Rin was unconscious. He must have passed out from the shock. He probably took in water.

“Rin, turn over on your side for me,” Yukio instructed, though he knew he wouldn’t get an answer. He started chest compressions to get the water out of his lungs before forcefully rolling his brother onto his side, allowing the teen to cough up the water that had been trapped in his lungs. He started breathing easier after that, and Yukio sighed in relief.

“Look, man, I’m sorry about that,” Suguro apologized. He had thought Rin was just making stuff up and that he needed to swim. That he was being a baby around everyone. But the kid had fought _so hard._ He panicked with everything he had, and Suguro felt badly as he stared down at this kid he just met. “I really didn’t think he would panic so badly.”

“Rin has a phobia of water,” Yukio explained. He wouldn’t say too much, but he would let them all understand this matter was not to be taken lightly. He trusted his friends with this much information and knew Rin would too. “He’s afraid of lakes, beaches, swimming pools, and especially…large buckets of water.” Yukio wished he could have helped his brother, so this never would have happened. But it had, so protecting him was all he could do.

“I didn’t know, man; I’m sorry.” Suguro knew saying sorry wouldn’t do anything, especially not when he was saying it to Yukio. He needed to apologize to Rin.

“We should probably take him back to the dorm,” Shima suggested. While they had only just arrived and really didn’t have the opportunity to play around, one of their friends – however new he was – had been hurt. “When he wakes up we can do something else before the day is over. Without water.”

“Thank you all for understanding, but you don’t need to leave on our account,” Yukio replied. Rin hadn’t wanted to ruin the fun for his friends by doing this, and he would feel horribly if everyone left because of him. “Rin would want you to stay and have fun.”

“No, we need to go back with you,” Shiemi insisted, and Yukio was surprised. It was rare for her to be so forceful. She was just a tiny shy girl who had been home-schooled all her life until attending the academy.

“Thank you.” Rin would have been so happy if he could see the friends he had gained.

* * *

Rin awoke in his bed in a sea of calm. He moved to pull at his shirt, a habit he had started ever since wearing his chest binder. But he felt breast. His binder was gone. In a panic, Rin sat up as his mind began to race, searching for the object that protected him from the ridicule of others.

“Lay back down,” Yukio instructed from where he sat in a chair beside the bed. He placed a hand on Rin’s shoulder, gently pushing him back down into bed. He didn’t want Rin overexerting himself so soon after having a panic attack and inhaling water. Rin complied, exhausted, but he was still panicking.

“What happened?” Yukio could hear the unspoken question. _Did they find out?_ He was terrified of what would happen if they found out. Like…Reiji.

“No, they didn’t find out. We brought you here when you were unconscious, but I didn’t change you until everyone was gone,” Yukio explained. He had been so worried with Rin’s swim binder compressing his chest while there could still be lingering water residing in his lungs. He had been relieved to get the thing off his brother. “The others said they would visit when you were feeling better. Suguro wanted to apologize.

“Great,” Rin replied, getting up and rushing to his wardrobe, pulling out a fresh chest binder and changing into it. Yukio averted his eyes. He didn’t like seeing Rin’s breasts. They were so…odd. His big brother wasn’t supposed to have those.

“I’d rather you keep it off,” Yukio admitted. “You inhaled some water and I want you to get out some of it before you push on your chest like that.” Rin was about to respond when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Yukio stood and opened the door.

“Is your brother alright?” Rin heard Suguro ask. He whipped his head toward the door, pulling on a t-shirt as Yukio opened it wider so the teen could come into the room, Shima trailing in behind him. Suguro and Rin stared at each other for what seemed like forever. “I’m sorry about what I did. I had no idea you would freak out like that. Okumura…told us about your phobia of water.” Rin tensed. How much did they know?

“We wanted to see if you were up to doing something,” Shima brought up. “The day is still young, after all.” Well, it wasn’t as young as it had been. They didn’t have long to celebrate together before curfew.

“Sure,” Rin answered. He still felt exhausted from his earlier ordeal, but he did want to make better friends with these people. They could very well be his friends for the next few years.

“We’ll do something without water,” Shima added. Rin felt a pang of guilt. He was limiting their options simply because of his phobia

“Listen, you guys…” Rin trailed off. “I’m sorry for freaking out. I don’t really remember much of it. I must have blacked out. I didn’t mean to ruin your fun or anything.”

“The only person who ruined the fun was me,” Suguro spoke. “I’m so sorry; I had no idea you were like that with water.” He wondered if it had something to do with the scar on Rin’s face, but kept his thoughts silent.

“Its fine; I’m alright,” Rin replied with a smile. Suguro had apologized. Reiji never did that. “Water is a silly fear anyway.”

After definitive plans were made, the four headed toward the girl’s dorms, having texted them once plans had been set to pick them up. Shiemi had been worried and was grateful to have the opportunity to see the oldest Okumura.

“So, little Okumura,” Shima began as the four headed toward the girls’ dorm.

“Just call me Rin,” he groaned out. There was no way he was going to spend the next few years being called ‘little Okumura’. Especially not when he was the older one!

“Okay, _Rin,_ ” Shima corrected. He felt a bit awkward calling someone he just met by their first name, but the kid had given him permission. He shrugged off the awkwardness. “Do you have as good of grades as Yukio over here?” He was trying to change the subject after everyone was so awkward about the water incident.

“Not really,” Rin answered. The distraction was a success.

“Oh, come on; grades are all about genetics,” Shima retorted. “And you guys are _twins,_ so you should definitely have the same smarts!”

“If that were true, you’d have amazing grades like your two eldest brothers,” Yukio commented. Rin had never had the same smarts as Yukio, but he was street smart where Yukio wasn’t. He was smart in his own way and had studied his ass off to get into True Cross Academy.

“But my older middle brother and I had nearly the same grades when he came here,” Shima retorted.

“How many brothers to you have?” Rin asked with curious eyes.

“Just four,” Shima answered as if it were no big deal. To him, it wasn’t.

“Do you live with all of them?” Shima nodded, a bit confused at the question. Didn’t all brothers live together? “That’s amazing! I always wanted another sibling to live with besides Yukio, but I don’t think our dad could have kids even if he wanted to,” Rin ranted.

Rina and Yukio had two older half-brothers they knew. Their oldest brother, Mephisto, was grown by the time they were even born, and was the headmaster of their academy. Amaimon was raised by Mephisto and he was only a few years older than them, but they never lived together.

“If your dad can’t have kids, how the hell are you here?” Suguro asked. “Don’t tell me you believe the whole ‘finding in a cabbage patch’ story still,” he added, rolling his eyes.

“We’re adopted,” Yukio admitted. He never found the need to tell his friends, so they didn’t know. “Our mom and dad were best friends, and I guess when she couldn’t take care of us, he adopted us for her.”

“Oh…” Suguro trailed off. He was not doing well with Yukio ever since his brother had come along. “Shit; sorry.”

“It’s not a sensitive subject or anything,” Rin commented. Neither brother ever cared they were adopted before. They had a father and a house full of people who loved them. And they had their older brothers. “It’s not like we were attached to her at a few minutes old.”

“You ever think of meeting her?” Shima asked. He didn’t think he could go without wanting to meet one of his parents if they were gone.

“Nope,” Rin answered simply. He and Yukio had discussed it with their father for years, and the three of them decided they weren’t ready to do that just yet. They expressed interest in her when they were smaller, but as they got older, they just weren’t interested anymore. Rin rejected the very idea of a mother while Yukio didn’t think he needed to have one since he already had so much family to love.

Their conversation was halted when they reached the girls’ dorm and found Kamiki and Shiemi’s room. When they knocked, Shiemi thrusted the door open, her face full of worry, and finally relief when she saw Rin was standing with the others seeming perfectly fine.

“Oh, Rin!” Shiemi exclaimed. “I was worried about you after the lake. I’m so glad you’re alright!” Rin was surprised that someone he just met would act so worried about him. Yukio, however, was not surprised at this. Shiemi cared about everyone she met.

“Thanks, but there’s really no need to worry,” Rin replied, laughing it off. “I’m just sorry that I messed up the last day before school for you.”

“Again with this?” Suguro asked. “It was _my_ faul-”

“We still have tonight until curfew,” Shima interrupted. “Let’s head out before we have to squander our youth.”

“You all go,” Kamiki said, stepping back from the others. She had remained in her dorm room when Shiemi left it while the others never entered, but she was still visible through the open doorway. “I have some last-minute things to do before tomorrow and I want to call Paku before lights out.”

“Sure thing; we’ll see you tomorrow,” Shima replied. The group of four that had now expanded to five headed toward the empty courtyard of the school. With students returning to their dorms and preparing for the first day of school, there was virtually no one in sight.

Rin smiled as he watched his brother engaging with the others. They were all laughing and smiling – enjoying themselves.

 _This must be what having friends is like…_ Rin thought to himself. _I never knew because I didn’t have any._

“Rin,” Yukio spoke, getting his brother’s attention. An hour had gone by before he knew it, and it was time to return to their dorms. “Let’s go.”

“Sure thing,” Rin replied with a smile he thought would never go away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm literally going through and editing this right now, so if you notice an errors, they're going to be fixed; just pretend they're not there.
> 
> I fixed all the errors!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Blue Exorcist/Ao no Exorcist.

The next morning, Rin awoke with excitement. He would get to wear his brand-new school uniform! Back in the hospital when he went to school, there were no uniforms. They really just wore whatever was comfortable, and Rin usually wore sweat pants and a t-shirt. But now he was just like all the other boys getting up and putting their uniforms on.

“Excited?” Yukio asked, already knowing the answer as he watched his brother marvelling over his uniform. His brother sure was happy, and that made Yukio feel better about Rin being there. When his father first said Rin would be attending True Cross Academy with him, Yukio had been terrified. He wished Rin would have stayed home, stayed in the hospital, or even dropped out entirely. He didn’t want Rin to go through what he had already been through before – what traumatised him so much. But Rin was thriving. For now, at least.

“You bet!” Rin replied excitedly as he pulled his shirt on over his binder and pulled his slacks on. He looked just like one of the guys! Well, he had looked like one of the guys for a while. But with his brother being the headmaster, there had been an advantage. Because while their father had fought tooth and nail with the headmaster of their junior high school to get Rin a male uniform, Mephisto just let him have one. He knew the situation well; they had been through many different issues because of Rin’s gender identity. He didn’t mind, but he knew Rin did.

Yukio chuckled. He hadn’t ever seen Rin so eager to go to school. He skipped school constantly in junior high, and never wanted to participate. It got better when he met…Reiji. But h was never the same after what happened with Reiji. Of course, he never skipped classes when he was in the hospital, but that was because he was under constant supervision. If he did miss a lesson, it was because of a serious reason.

Yukio helped Rin find his class when they entered their building. Rin walked in, looking around for anyone he knew. This place was huge; compared to the hospital, it was a palace. Unfortunately, he wasn’t in the same class with Yukio, who ended up testing the highest out of all the second-year students. Yukio had been placed in class 2-A, while Rin was placed in 2-C.

_“Do you see that scar?”_

_“What do you think happened?”_

_“It’s scary.”_

_“I wonder if he’s one of those delinquent scholarship students.”_

_“Then what would he be doing in a place like this?”_

Rin shuddered a bit when he heard the whispers around him. It seemed Suguro wasn’t going to be the only one to make a comment on it. When he was in the hospital, no one said anything about it. They all knew his situation, and besides, there were people with worse off injuries there. But still…he did notice sometimes people would stare. Of course, he only ever noticed them because his father or brothers were glaring at someone.

Rin had lost hope that he would know anyone in the class when he suddenly saw Shiemi. She was in the same class, sitting by herself. Rin perked up, glad he found someone he had at least met once before.

“Hey, Shiemi,” Rin greeted as he sat down beside the blonde. She jumped slightly but turned to see that it was just Rin.

“Oh, hi, Rin,” Shiemi greeted with a confused expression. “I thought you would be in Class A like Yuki…” she trailed off. She must have thought Rin to be just as smart as his brother like Shima did. Shiemi thought she was going to be in the class all by herself. Everyone last year had been in classes 1-A and she had been in class 1-C.

“I’m not as good a student as Yukio,” Rin joked with a laugh. Shiemi joined in with a quieter one.

“Well, I’m glad to know someone in class this year,” Shiemi commented with a smile.

“Me too,” Rin replied, nodding in agreement. He didn’t know anyone else in the class and didn’t recognize any names when attendance was called. Rin felt happier than he had in a long time, and actually found himself paying attention to everything their class representative said and whatever Professor Nehaus said. They went over class rules and what they would be learning throughout their course.

When lunch rolled around, Rin and Shiemi found Yukio, who happened to be with Suguro, Shima, and Kamiki.

“Yukio!” Rin called out with a grin as he ran over with Shiemi to see everyone. Once they were all together, they headed to the courtyard to eat their lunches.

“So, how was your class, Rin?” Yukio asked. He didn’t want to risk Rin running into Reiji or his other goons, so he had been on the lookout.

“It was fine,” Rin answered. “Shiemi was in my class, so I’m not by myself or anything.” Rin couldn’t help but feel like he was being treated as the younger brother, being watched over. And that’s exactly what Yukio was doing. The taller brother was just relieved Rin didn’t know Reiji’s location.

“I’m glad; I was worried about you,” Yukio replied. He was glad his worries had been unneeded and was relieved he and Shiemi were in the same class. Even if Shiemi didn’t know what to look out for, she would know if Yukio was needed.

“You don’t need to be all protective, Yukio.” Rin smirked. He was concerned if Yukio continued acting this way, others might start asking questions as to why. “I’m the older one, remember?” Yukio could only chuckle in response.

“You’ve been through a lot in the past year,” Yukio commented. “I’d say I’m entitled to a little overprotectiveness.” Rin shrugged it off and everyone allowed the conversation to fall to a rest. Shima and Suguro had been arguing about some of the homework they were given when Yukio’s phone began to repeatedly beep.

“Rin, it’s time to take your medicine,” Yukio announced, causing everyone to turn and stare at Rin. Why would he need to take medicine? And they wondered, did it have anything to do with the incident with water?

“Are you sick?” Shiemi asked in a worried tone. She had just gotten finished being worried about Rin with the water and now there was something new to be concerned with. Shima himself couldn’t help but wonder just what was wrong with Rin that there were so many problems.

“I’m not sick; it’s just a prescription I’ve been on since I was little,” Rin answered. “I have to take it on a schedule, but I haven’t had the chance to try and slowly shift the schedule with school starting, so I have to take it at lunch.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. Rin had been on testosterone since he was around thirteen-years old.

“So…why is Okumura the one getting the alarm for it?” Suguro asked. These brothers were something else, and everything they did just brought up more questions and no goddamn answers.

“He’ll snooze the alarm and it’ll never get done,” Yukio answered. Yukio had quickly learned that while Rin had urged everyone to call him by his first name to differentiate between the two Okumuras, they still liked to refer to Yukio by their last name. Rin used to be very vigilant about it when he first started the testosterone. But as he aged, and it became less of a necessity to take it since he passed so well, it started to slip his mind. “Come on, Rin; we’ll find a bathroom and I’ll give it to you.” It didn’t take long for them to find a men’s restroom where Yukio gave Rin his shot before they returned to their friends. Suguro looked at his watch.

“We should probably head to the gym,” Suguro told everyone. It was nearing time for their gym classes. Even though gym was at the same time for the second-year students, they were separated by class. Rin knew Yukio wouldn’t be around to protect him for anything that happened. Not that he needed protection or anything!

Because of his chest binder, Rin was told by Mephisto – the headmaster – that he could change into his gym clothes in the men’s locker rooms as long as he dressed in the stall of the restrooms inside. Rin was uneasy about this, but he thought it was a hell of a lot better than his junior high school, where he was forced to change in the nurse’s office bathroom.

Rin admired himself in the mirror of the restroom before returning to the lockers, sure that his binder wasn’t showing. He felt a rush of adrenaline at doing something he had never been able to do before. Rin found it funny that the most forbidden things were the most exciting. He was just finishing putting his things in his locker when he noticed him.

Reiji was still changing, but he was recognizable. Rin could never mistake that face. Reiji had gone to school with him for years. They went to primary school together and eventually junior high. The only reason he had never known about Rin’s gender was because Shiro was already allowing him to live as he wanted. There were no uniforms in primary school and Shiro fought for Rin to get a boy’s uniform in junior high. Since his name was gender neutral, he flew under the radar easily.

Rin gulped, backing away and shoving himself in one of the bathroom stalls to hide. He wasn’t going to see him. No way! He couldn’t be there! Rin continued to peek outside of the stall repeatedly until he was sure Reiji was gone. Obviously, he wasn’t in the same class, so once Reiji had left the locker room, Rin went to meet with his class and catch up with Shiemi.

 “Ah, I love gym class!” Rin exclaimed, trying to shake off his scare with Reiji as he placed his hands on his hips. While Yukio was good at academics, athletics was where Rin really shined. He used to practice doing cartwheels and backflips in the courtyard of their monastery for fun. He hadn’t had the opportunity to properly exercise since he had been admitted to the hospital. “What about you?”

“Ah…” Shiemi trailed off with a nervous laugh. “I’m not that great of an athlete.” A light blush rose to her cheeks, tinting the pale milky white skin.

“I’ll hang back with you,” Rin said. As much as he was excited to strut his stuff, he also wanted to hang back with his friend. He didn’t want to lose Shiemi so easily. Besides, anything active was better than being sedentary like he had been for months.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that!” Shiemi exclaimed nervously before a loud whistle sounded throughout the gym. Everyone looked to see the coach.

“Hello, everyone. My name is Coach Tsubaki and I will be instructing your physical education class.” The skinny man in a flamboyant pink tank-top and tight black shorts certainly didn’t look like he had ever attended a physical education course in his life. “Now, I will call attendance and you will begin to run laps as you’re called.”

Everyone was called one by one and they began to run, though Rin couldn’t help but notice Tsubaki’s long pause when he came across Rin’s name. All the staff affiliated with the headmaster knew about his half-siblings, Rin and Yukio Okumura. They certainly weren’t the only brothers of Mephisto’s who had attended the academy, but there were more than ever before.

When gym ended, Rin just narrowly escaped Reiji’s presence changing. He once again waited until the light-haired teen had left the locker room before making his escape with a sigh of relief.

“Rin, do you want to do our homework together?” Shiemi asked, startling the teen who suddenly turned around with a jump. “Oh! I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you!” Rin tried to calm down his breath, pressing a hand on his chest.

“No, it’s fine,” Rin replied. “Sure, we can do our homework together. We can go back to my dorm so Yukio can help us if we need it.” Normally on the first day of school, there was never homework, but that wasn’t the case for math.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Shiemi agreed. “But only if he wants to,” she added as they walked back to Rin’s dorm. Yukio had already arrived and was putting his things away in his wardrobe.

“Hey, Yukio; could you help Shiemi and I with our math homework?” Rin asked upon walking into the dorm with the blonde trailing behind him.

“It’s only the first day and you already need help with your homework?” Yukio asked, though he had expected this anyway. When Rin ever bothered to go to school, Yukio always helped him with homework. Even when they were small kids. This was the only thing Yukio could do that Rin couldn’t when they were growing up. He hadn’t expected much to change now that they were at the academy. “Who helped you with your homework at your last school?”

“They assigned me a tutor,” Rin answered as he grabbed his school books from his bag alongside Shiemi. “It did wonders for my GPA.”

“If you’re busy we could do it by ourselves,” Shiemi told Yukio shyly. She didn’t want to put the younger twin out or anything. While Rin didn’t have a problem with asking, Shiemi certainly did.

“I’m not busy; I can help you whenever you need it.” Yukio smiled to her kindly. He knew Shiemi was shy and she never had any friends of her own before coming to the academy. Yukio was relieved she and Rin had hit it off so well and happened to be in the same class. It meant neither of them would be alone.

“Thanks, Yukio!”

Shiemi had long since returned to her own dorm. Rin wanted to walk her, but she was confident about going by herself, so Rin decided to stay in with Yukio. Suguro and Shima were studying for the night – because they were nerds – so it was just Rin and Yukio. For the first time in a while, the night was a peaceful one. Somewhat.

“Is something on your mind?” Yukio asked, feeling the weight of something sitting on Rin’s mind. Something was going on that he didn’t want to talk about. But things had been going so well since school started. Hadn’t they? Rin was silent. “I know something happened. Tell me what’s going on.”

 _Don’t be Reiji,_ Yukio thought to himself.

“I…heard some people talking today,” Rin muttered, sitting cross-legged in his bed with his shoulders slumped. Yukio braced himself for Rin hearing about Reiji being in the school. “They were talking about my scar.” Truthfully, Rin _was_ thinking of Reiji, but…he was thinking of this as well. He didn’t want to talk about Reiji just yet. And this had been weighing on his mind lately as well.

“Oh?” Yukio was surprised and relieved all at the same time. Even if he couldn’t protect him from the deformity on his face, he could protect him from the knowledge of his attacker being so close to him. “What were they saying?”

“What do you think they were saying?!” Rin exclaimed, a sudden wave of anger rushing through him. He knew Yukio wasn’t dumb; he was just acting like it. “They were saying that it was ugly! They were _scared_ of me because of it!” He sniffled a bit as tears began to roll down his cheeks. He wasn’t a scary guy. He was fun loving and all he wanted was a group of friends to call his own. But…they were scared of him. And it was all _his_ fault. Were Yukio’s friends scared of him too? Because of the stupid scar?

“Rin…” Yukio sighed. “I can’t make people stop thinking about it. But…none of us are scared of you. You know dad and I think the world of you, even with the scar.” Yukio remembered feeling so distraught when he first saw it. It was a bloodied, blistered, puckered mess when Rin first had his bandages removed. His brother had changed and would never be the same. He was scared of Rin, but not because of the scar, but because of the damage that had been done.

“I can’t just rely on you all the time, Yukio,” Rin cried out. “I’m supposed to be the one who protects you. Not the other way around. But you introduce me to your friends so I won’t be alone, and you make sure I take my medicine on time, and all this shit that isn’t supposed to happen.” He pulled his knees up close to him and curled in his seat. “This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.”

“I know,” Yukio replied. He moved from his bed and sat beside Rin, pulling his brother close to him. “We were supposed to start school last year together and be built-in best friends again.” He never wanted Rin to be attacked like that. But Rin’s life was different. He wasn’t born like other boys were and he had to suffer because of that. Other people weren’t as accepting as their family was.

“This is what I was talking about,” Rin muttered. “You’re not supposed to be my saviour and comfort me. I’m supposed to deal with this on my own.” He just wanted things to be like how they were before Reiji had done this.

“Everyone needs protection and comfort sometimes,” Yukio commented. *

“Yukio…” Rin trailed off. He needed to tell him about Reiji. Yukio needed to know so he wouldn’t panic like the oldest Okumura had. “I need to tell you something.”

“Rin, I know you’re trans,” Yukio joked, trying to lighten the mood in the room. Rin didn’t laugh though. Sure, he never really identified as transgender, but he never minded if someone called him transgender. Yukio caught on to this strange behaviour. “What is it?”

“I saw Reiji today,” Rin answered. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest just talking about his attacker.

“Where?” Yukio asked calmly. He knew Reiji was a student. They didn’t share a class, but Yukio was aware of his presence. There had been an issue when Rin was first hospitalised about possibly having Reiji arrested, but Reiji knew how to cover his tracks. His friends were paid off not to say anything and no one else was there besides Rin. Even when Rin told police that it was Reiji who had hurt him, it was two words against each other with so little evidence, even with the injuries that Rin had sustained.

“The locker room during gym,” Rin answered, wiping his eyes. He could remember the horrible fear he felt when facing his attacker. Thankfully, for now, it was over. “I wanted to warn you before you saw him.”

“I already knew he was a student here,” Yukio confessed. He had never lied to Rin about his attacker. He never said Reiji wasn’t at the school. But…he hadn’t warned him either. Rin’s eyes widened.

“You…” Rin trailed off. How could Yukio already know? How could he have not said anything? It was just…another attack waiting to happen! “You knew?”

“I didn’t want to scare you by telling you that he was here,” Yukio explained. He knew Rin would feel betrayed if he knew. But it was for his own good. “I was trying to protect you.”

“Protect me my ass!” Rin exclaimed, pushing away from his brother and jumping off his bed, standing in front of Yukio in a defensive pose. “ _I_ was trying to warn _you,_ so you wouldn’t panic and freak out when you saw him! But what did you do?! You let _me_ panic when I saw him!” He shivered. What would have happened if he had been seen? “Did you _want_ Reiji to attack me again? Because that’s what could have happened if he saw me first!”

“I’m sorry, Rin,” Yukio apologized. “I…didn’t think about that when I decided not to tell you.” He sighed. He hadn’t been anticipating that Reiji could possibly hurt Rin again simply for being in school. “He was expected at the academy last year and he was a student. He and I were both in class 1-A together. But this year, I think he’s in class 2-B.”

“That room isn’t far from mine…” Rin trailed off. “He could have already seen me without me seeing him.” Did Reiji know he was there? If so, did that mean he was in danger? He didn’t even know.

“Listen, Rin; I really am sorry.” Yukio wasn’t thinking in the same way as Rin. He wanted to protect Rin from a panic attack. But Rin…he was thinking from the stance of the victim. A victim who was scared to be another target.

“I’m going to bed.”

* * *

Rin woke with a start covered in cold sweat in the dead of night. He hadn’t had a nightmare about Reiji in a while. Not since he was first released from the hospital. With the idea that Reiji wasn’t a threat anymore, being at school now, the thoughts just slipped away. It had been the greatest relief of Rin’s since he started testosterone and missed his first period.

He sighed, taking Yukio’s phone from his desk. While Yukio had his own cell-phone, Rin didn’t. It wasn’t that they were expected to share because they were twins; it was that his father didn’t think he was responsible enough to keep it working long enough.

Quickly dialling the number, Rin waited for the first few rings until finally someone picked up.

 _“Yukio?”_ Shiro asked with a voice that indicated he had been woken up. Rin wasn’t surprised; it was in the middle of the night, after all.

“It’s Rin,” he muttered quietly, not wanting to wake Yukio up from across the room. He stepped outside of the dorm, waiting outside the door and sitting down on the floor.

 _“What’s wrong, Rin?”_ Rin never called unless there was a problem. Shiro had been so worried since Rin got on the train with his brother to go to school. Rin hadn’t been away at high school for a year like Yukio had been. No; he had been in the hospital for the past year. Shiro was reasonably worried.

“I had a nightmare…” Rin trailed off. “It was about Reiji…I saw him in the locker room in gym today.” He couldn’t shake that feeling of anxiety that overwhelmed him every time he thought of it.

 _“A hallucination?”_ Shiro asked. _“Or…really him?”_ In the earlier days of his recovery, when he was first waking up and still drugged out of his gourd, Rin hallucinated Reiji. He thought he saw him waiting with another attack ready for him.

“No, it was really him,” Rin answered. “I…I was so scared. I hid in the bathroom stall when I saw him, but I don’t know if he already saw me first! And…the nightmare was that he found me…and hurt me again.”

 _“Rin, do you want to come home for a while?”_ Shiro asked. He wasn’t opposed to having Rin return home for the rest of the school year. Even though Rin was his oldest, he was still Shiro’s baby boy, and he wanted to protect him from any fear.

“No,” Rin replied. “I just…I needed a minute to calm down is all. I can go to bed now.” He hadn’t even talked more about the nightmare, but all of the sudden he felt good about just being away from his bed for a minute and getting to talk to his dad. His dad could fix anything.

 _“Alright, son, you head back to bed. Don’t hesitate to call me back if you need me.”_ There was a pause. _“I love you.”_

“Love you too, dad.” Rin smiled. He missed his dad, but he wanted to be in school with Yukio and his new friends. He hung up and simply sat for a moment when Suguro and Shima’s door opened beside him, revealing a pink-haired teen who poked his head out.

“What’s goin’ on?” Shima asked, seeing the raven-haired teen sitting down by himself.

“Just hanging out for a minute before going back to bed,” Rin answered. He wondered if Reiji’s presence at school meant they were in the same building right now. No, he had to be in a different dorm. There _were_ multiple buildings for the dorms after all.

“We…heard you guys fighting earlier,” Shima admitted as he slid down beside the shorter teen. “We were really confused, to tell you the truth. And I tried to ignore it, but…I couldn’t help but think you were crying.”

“Yeah…” Rin laughed nervously. “Just brother stuff. You know how it is.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. He and Yukio were fighting, and it was over a brotherly thing. Well, Yukio was trying to protect him, and in the end, Rin was sure it only caused further danger to him. He should have known about Reiji being at the same school as him ahead of time!

“You sure that’s all it was?” Shima asked. He had never cried over brother stuff. Usually his brothers would take a precious toy of his when he was little, or they would steal the remote to the television when his favourite show was on. Nothing that made him cry or genuinely hurt him.

“I’m sure,” Rin answered. There was no sense in getting Shima and Suguro involved in this. He didn’t want anyone to know what happened. “I’m gonna head to bed now.”

“Sure,” Shima replied as he watched the shorter teen stand and return to his dorm. He knew something was up, but ignored it for now, returning to his own room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This piece is about Rin’s scar was something I wanted to write more about in my fic Just a Dream, but I didn’t really find the opportunity, so here it is.
> 
> Next Chapter: 11/20/18
> 
> Heads Up! The end notes are doing this weird thing where they're appearing on the wrong chapters and I can't really edit them because when I try, they show up on the right chapters. So...just look out for that. Ao3 has been kind of weird lately with a bunch of stuff like this (like how it wouldn't let me upload chapter two for a month).
> 
> Update (10/20/18): I fixed the end note situation; it's all good now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got an anonymous review on this from the FFN part of this story and I would like to respond to it here since I can’t do so to the actual reviewer.  
> 
> fellow critic: i like it but rin should have had a name change because rin when shiro thought rin was a girl wouldn’t Rena been changed to rin. i thing rin is a boy in the beginning wouldn’t she be Rena then he would turn into rin to make it more dramatic story line.  
> 
> So, in response to this; the reason there is no name change is because Rin is a gender-neutral name, which I thought worked so well for this story. There’s no need for the change. Also, Rena wouldn’t really work as another name because Rena is not a Japanese name like all the other names from Blue Exorcist. And as for you thinking that Rin is a boy in the beginning, it’s because he is a boy. The point is to not know that he is transgender right away, and that gets revealed just a bit later into the first chapter. But thanks for reviewing!  
> 
> While I do love to hear all of your thoughts, I really am not accepting critiques on this story. It’s not that I don’t like them or can’t handle them or anything; it’s just that I’ve already pre-written a good portion of this story and want to go through it on my own without critiques. I’ll accept them after the story is over so maybe later I can rewrite it, and if I ask for them, I’ll gladly accept them. But for the time being, I’m not asking for them. Thank you all for reading and sticking with this story, though!  
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Blue Exorcist/Ao no Exorcist.  

 

“Okumuras! Wanna watch horror movies?” Suguro asked at the end of the day when everyone had settled for the evening. Rin had his homework done earlier when he and Shiemi had free time during lunch. Rin perked up. Of course he wanted to see horror movies!  

“Yukio?” Rin asked, anticipating the answer. This was the prime opportunity to spend time with friends! 

“Alright, as long as it doesn’t run too late,” Yukio answered. He didn’t want Rin sleeping in all the next day.  

“I gotta be up early for my morning jog anyways,” Suguro replied. Rin cringed. Early morning jogs were the worst.  

“Morning jog?” Rin asked with a distorted expression. “That sucks; I’m sorry.” He wouldn’t be caught dead jogging in the morning. Even if he did like physical activity, he didn’t like it early in the morning. Maybe after sleeping and eating he  _might_ jog.  

“Hey, I like to live a healthy lifestyle!” Suguro bellowed. He sighed, calming himself. “Anyway, Shima and I are doing horror movies at our dorm and we just wanted to see if you were in.” 

“We’ll be there in five,” Rin answered. There were people inviting him and Yukio over for movies! He couldn’t wait and happily turned to Yukio with an excited grin.  

“You hate horror movies,” Yukio commented, knowing where this would lead. Rin had hated them since they were small children because he would end up getting scared in the middle of the night. He would end up in either Yukio’s bed or their father’s. But his fear of horror movies was not something he liked to bring up.  

“But I  _love_ hanging out with friends,” Rin replied. “It’s just been so long since I’ve  _had_ any friends to hang out with. Even if they’re only inviting me because I’m your brother, it still makes me happy.” It didn’t matter to him that he was getting a pity invite because he was the idiotic brother of Yukio Okumura. He would take it.  

“Hey,” Yukio retorted. “They’re your friends too. Hell, you’ve probably had more banter with them in the past few days than I had with them all last year. They’re hanging out with you because they  _want_ to hang out with you. Not because you’re my brother.” He remembered having a similar conversation with Shiemi when he first invited her to be with his friends and she was included in the group.  

 _“They’re only inviting me because I’m your friend, Yuki,” Shiemi commented, wiping at her wet eyes._  

 _“No, they’re inviting you because you’re their friend now,” Yukio replied, rubbing his hand through her short blonde locks._  

“I wouldn’t mind if they were hanging out with me just because I’m your brother,” Rin commented with a shrug. “I’ll take what I can get. Now, let’s get over to their dorm; I wanna watch horror movies!”  

“Don’t forget to bring your pillow, you big baby,” Yukio said with a roll of his eyes. Rin huffed a bit, pulling his pillow into his arms before turning back to his brother.  

“I like it because it’s  _soft,_ not because I’m a baby!” Rin exclaimed, sticking his tongue out at Yukio for an extra measure.  

“Let’s go before they think we bailed on them,” Yukio replied. Without further hesitation, the two brothers headed to the dorm next door.  

* * *

“Man, you have the girliest scream I’ve ever heard,” Suguro commented as he munched on the popcorn they made for the movie. Rin couldn’t help the blood that rose to his cheeks. His testosterone supplements helped a lot, but they couldn’t disguise the scream he saved for fear.  

“Oh, shut up,” Rin retorted, fisting popcorn and throwing it at the others. Even so, he still laughed at Suguro’s twitch when he had a fistful of popcorn thrown at him.  

“Hey!” Suguro protested when the popcorn fell onto the floor after bouncing off him. “No mess!” He was notoriously clean and liked to keep it that way. But Rin was a ball of energy that could make a room a disaster in minutes.  

“Sorry, Suguro; you let Rin into your room and it will never be clean again,” Yukio joked. But at the same time, he had shared a room with his brother for years. He knew what kind of mess the eldest twin could be.  

“Hey, I live here; how much messier can it get?” Shima joined in, allowing the four to share a laugh.  

“It’s getting late,” Yukio commented after glancing at his watch. He didn’t want to keep them up too late. It set their whole day off schedule when that happened. “Rin and I better get back to our dorm.” 

“Right.” Rin stood and skipped out of the room before Yukio did.  

“Thanks for having us over,” Yukio told Suguro and Shima. “We’ll have to return the favour sometime and do something in our dorm. Maybe invite the girls too.” It had been too late to invite them over for the movies since the curfew had already been set in place. But they could do something earlier in the day sometime and invite them.  

“No problem; we had fun,” Shima replied as the group separated into pairs and returned to their respective rooms. 

* * *

“Hey, Okumura!” Suguro called out as Rin was walking to the locker room after his gym class. Rin snapped in the direction of Suguro’s voice immediately. He thought for a moment it had been Reiji. Thankfully, it was just the tall teen that was in the dorm next to him. He sighed in relief.  

“Hey,” Rin greeted when his friend came closer to him. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed that Suguro was in his gym clothes. Rin wasn’t there for gym class, he was there just to work out. So why was Suguro in his gym clothes too? “What are you doing in your gym clothes? You don’t have gym right now.” 

“We were let out early from study hall, so I thought I’d jog,” Suguro answered. “I just finished and was about to head over to the locker room for a shower. I didn’t think you had gym either.” Suguro was a little put-off by this because it meant he would have to share the locker room for his shower, but he had to do this in the dorm house anyway.  

“I thought I’d take advantage of the gym equipment and work out a little,” Rin admitted. He had been trying to bulk up and build muscle for a while, but his body was stubborn. “You don’t  _just_ jog, right? You’ve  _got_ to do some strength training to get muscles like that.”  

“You jealous?” Suguro joked as he playfully nudged the shorter teen.  

“Kinda,” Rin commented with a shrug as the two headed to the locker room together. Rin grabbed his clothes from the locker and headed toward a bathroom stall.  

“You’re not going to shower?” Suguro asked when he saw Rin making his way to privacy. Rin tensed a bit. No one had ever questioned his lack of showering after gym and changing privately. Until now.  

“Nah,” Rin answered, pushing the question off as if it were no big deal. He wanted to shower just like everyone else after working out, but he didn’t have permission. Maybe if he got surgery one day, but he didn’t foresee that happening. “I’ll just take a whore’s bath.” 

“That’s disgusting,” Suguro remarked. He had never seen a kid who didn’t shower after working out in the locker room. There had to be a reason to it. Shima had expressed  _something_ being up with this kid before, but Suguro wasn’t sure how to take it. Hell, he still wasn’t. “Don’t blame me when you smell like ass all day.” 

“Sure, sure.” Rin waved it off as he made his way to privacy. He used as much deodorant as he could, washing himself with a wash cloth using the sink in the private stall. Rin decided to wait around for Suguro after the older teen took his shower and the two walked out of the locker room together.  

“You’re not skipping are you, Rin?” Shiemi asked suddenly from behind the two. Rin jumped and swore under his breath, startled. That happened a lot lately. Rin had just disappeared during study hall to work out, but he had another class to attend. Shiemi must have thought he was skipping their class because he was walking with Suguro.  

“No, I’ll be there in a minute,” Rin replied. “I was just talking to Suguro. I think I might have to get him to teach me some of the strength exercises he does.” Rin had always been envious of the muscles his father and Yukio had. Rin was lanky, though was grateful his baby fat had disappeared with the testosterone supplements. “I gotta run; see ya, Suguro,” Rin added as he left Suguro’s side and returned to class with Shiemi.  

* * *

“Hey, Yukio, come stab me in my ass!” Rin exclaimed as he walked into his dorm room, only to be stopped short by Yukio standing beside Suguro and Shima. “Uh…” Yes, it wasn’t something normal people walked into their room saying, but they weren’t exactly normal people. Rin couldn’t give his medicine to himself, and Yukio was his only option. It wasn’t his fault there were suddenly people in their dorm.  

“What the hell are you guys into?” Shima joked with a grin. Of course, Shima would take the opportunity to make a joke about it. It was kind of funny when you weren’t about to be stabbed in the ass. “I thought you were like me, little Okumura-” 

“It’s Rin,” he interrupted with a sigh. He was going to have to repeat that to Shima for the rest of his life until he actually called him that. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that.”  

“Go into the bathroom, Rin,” Yukio instructed. “I’ll be there in a second. I was just talking to Suguro and Shima about forming a study group.” He wasn’t sure if Rin was going to be alright with the idea of it, so he had been hesitant.  

“Oh, that sounds fun,” Rin said sarcastically. A whole get-together just for studying.  _Fun._ He dug through his wardrobe and produced a little box. When opening it, he held up the needle with a vial of medication.  

“ _That’s_ your medicine?” Shima asked with wide eyes. He didn’t know how the kid could deal with it. He  _hated_ needles. “You mean you have to get pricked  _every_ day?!” 

“Yeah,” Rin answered. “Believe me, I hate needles as much as the next guy. But a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” Yukio laughed a little when his brother said this. Rin used to say this phrase often when they were growing up. “I’ll be in the bathroom, Yukio,” Rin said before retreating to the bathroom.  

“You guys are  _so_ lucky,” Shima commented when Rin left. “You got one of those remodelled dorms with the private bathroom. I will pay you all of the snacks my parents send me if you let me use it!” he begged.  

“Did you get it because your dad is friends with the headmaster?” Suguro asked. Yukio felt a bit nervous answering. He never liked to reveal the privilege he had being the younger brother of the headmaster.  

“Uh…” Yukio trailed off. “Something like that.” He and Rin had actually only gotten the dorm because of Rin being trans. He needed a place to shower without discrimination.  

“Yukio!” Rin called impatiently from the bathroom.  

“I need to take care of this,” Yukio told the others, excusing himself to the bathroom. He was a bit relieved for the escape from the conversation. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. “So discrete with your asking me to stab you in the ass.” 

“Well, I wasn’t expecting anyone to  _be_ here,” Rin replied. “This is my safe haven, remember?” 

“I remember,” Yukio answered. Back in therapy, Rin was told he needed a safe haven. A place where he didn’t need to hide, and a place where he could do what he needed. For now, the dorm room was that safe haven. But when people were inside, it became much more difficult for it to become that.  

“Hey, Yukio…” Rin trailed off. “What do you think about me stopping the medicine?” He didn’t want to call it what it was – testosterone – in case the others were able to hear through the door.  

“Do you think you’re ready for that?” Yukio asked. Rin knew he could stop at any time and he wouldn’t revert to how it was before. His menstrual cycle, if not completely gone, would at least be damaged enough to not appear every month. His voice would not raise, and he would not go through female puberty. But Yukio still worried of what would happen if Rin suddenly stopped. He irrationally feared Rin suddenly walking into their dorm with an entirely female appearance. “You know I support every decision you make, as long as it doesn’t put your life in danger.” 

“I think I’m gonna stop,” Rin admitted. “I mean, I’ve progressed fine, and I’m comfortable with how I am now.” His voice, while not as deep as some of the boys he knew, was deep enough to pass. He wasn’t quite growing facial hair or anything and his muscles were still a work in process, but he didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to get the testosterone into his body immediately anymore.  

“Then this will be your last shot,” Yukio announced. “But you can always change your mind later.” In an instant, Yukio would pick up any medicine his brother needed or take him to any doctor’s appointment.  

“I know.” Rin knew his brother would be there for him. He always was when it came to these situations. With everything taken care of, the two returned to their friends.  

Rin and Yukio frowned when they saw Shima holding the female uniform that Rin had stowed away in his wardrobe.  

 _Rin took the uniform out of the box, placing it in his wardrobe. In the box underneath where the uniform was, there was a female uniform with a small note attached to it. Rin lifted the note, it reading,_ Dear, Rin, just in case you want to go to school as the girl your mother gave birth to, I put this in here.  

 _“Ass. He knows I won’t wear this.” Rin frowned._  

 _“You know how he is, Rin,” Yukio commented._  

“Why do you have this?” Shima asked with a laugh. “Did you take it from the girls’ locker room? Dude, if you’ve been sneaking in there to take looks, we should do it together!”  

“Absolutely not.” Yukio would shut this down immediately. “That’s a huge invasion of their privacy.” While they argued, Rin sighed in relief. Of course, the first thing Shima would think of was that he stole it. Who would think their friend was transgender just from seeing a female item? 

“Are you guys sure you’re twins?” Suguro asked, slightly amused. “You guys are polar opposites.” It wasn’t the first time they’ve heard it, so it was shrugged off easily.  

“Eh, I’ve heard that’s the case with most pairs of twins,” Rin replied. At least they were moving away from the female uniform. He would kill Mephisto for nearly exposing him! Of course…he could have just thrown it out or given it away. Or hidden it better.  

“But seriously; why do you have this?” Shima asked again. Rin almost groaned. It seemed the conversation wasn’t being let go as easily as he thought.  

“It was a gag gift,” Yukio answered. “From the headmaster.”  

“Come on, why would the headmaster be giving you a gag gift?” Suguro asked in disbelief. “Even  _if_ your dad is his friend, there’s no way you would be close enough with him for that.”  

“Should we tell them?” Rin asked, turning his vision toward Yukio. They had both been set on not revealing their lineage, but it would be easier to get the conversation away from the uniform if they did. Besides, it wasn’t like Suguro and Shima would tell anyone outside their circle.  

“The headmaster is our brother,” Yukio announced. He earned incredulous looks from both Shima and Suguro.  

“What?!” Shima asked with wide eyes. “Your  _brother_? Dude, that guy is  _old_!”  

“He’s our half-brother,” Rin explained. He could see why they would be shocked. A lot of people didn’t have half-brothers that were old enough to be their fathers. “We have a couple of those.” 

“And you know him because…?” Suguro asked, waiting for an explanation. Rin and Yukio said they were adopted, and they implied it was done at birth. So how did they know any other family members besides their adopted family? 

“Well, our dad knew the headmaster before we were even born,” Yukio said. “They were friends before we were born and after we were born, Mephisto still stuck around. I think he wanted to know us and wanted us to know our other brother that he was raising.”  

“Because of that we kinda grew up knowing a couple of our brothers, but we didn’t really live with them or anything,” Rin added. “I’d say it’s more like an uncle relationship with Mephisto.” Because Mephisto was already an adult when they were born, and was a friend of their father’s, it felt like Mephisto was their uncle. Their other brother, Amaimon, was more like their cousin since he was closer to their age and was being raised by their uncle-like figure.  

“That’s so  _messed up_ ,” Suguro commented. “Your  _brother_ is the  _headmaster_.” He couldn’t imagine having a perk like that in his back pocket. His father was only in charge of a monastery back home in Kyoto.  

“Wait; if your brother is the headmaster, why are you here on scholarship?” Shima asked Yukio curiously. They had to have perks being the younger brothers of the headmaster. If one of Shima’s brothers were a headmaster of a school like True Cross Academy, he would beg them to give him a spot without having to work for it.  

“I wanted to get here on my own without help from my brother,” Yukio answered. Rin couldn’t help but cringe slightly. He didn’t work to get to the school like Yukio had. His placement was strictly because of his lineage. “Rin wanted to be here too, so the headmaster made a spot for him. It’s nearly impossible to get in this school as a second-year student, so our brother made some arrangements.” Rin was supposed to be attending True Cross Academy as a first-year with Yukio, but things hadn’t gone that way.  

“So, you guys were planning to form a study group?” Rin wanted to change the subject fast. He could feel opinions about them changing and didn’t want them. They were the same as before and received minimal special treatment. “Maybe Shiemi and I could get in on that. We’re trying to get ahead in class, so we can make it into Class B next year.” Rin suddenly stopped and tensed up. Reiji was in 2-B. What if he and Rin both went into 3-B together? He couldn’t let that happen. But Reiji likely wouldn’t drop down to 3-C. He would just need to hope Reiji did better on his exams at the end of the year, so he could go into Class 3-A. Yukio watched his brother worriedly but decided to keep up the pace with the conversation so no one else would notice Rin’s sudden mood shift.  

“Of course you can join,” Yukio replied. “I thought we all could study together, the girls and you included. But our classwork is different because of our different classes.” Shiemi and Rin were two levels below everyone else, so while they were learning the same material, they were working at different paces. 

“Well, we can study our materials while you study yours,” Rin suggested. He and Yukio used to study different material together often, so this concept wasn’t any different than before. “And if we need help, we’ll have a bunch of Class A nerds to help us!”  

“Who’re you calling a nerd?!” Suguro protested angrily. He wasn’t a nerd! He just wanted to be a good student! “I’ll have you know that I just like to excel!”  

“Yeah, at everything,” Rin teased. “Seriously, Yukio, have you  _seen_ the muscles on this guy? You got competition.” He laughed. Yukio had been lanky when they were young like Rin was, but when Rin started working out, Yukio joined him. Unfortunately for Rin, he was quickly surpassed in muscle girth. His body just didn’t want to gain the muscle mass he wanted.  

“You know, Rin, I was always under the impression you were attracted to women,” Yukio retorted in a teasing tone as well.  

“N-No! You know I’m not into that!” Rin’s face lit up red and he waved his arms out in protest. While it seemed harmless to their friends, Rin had felt the need to defend his sexuality from others for years. Not his family, of course, but from other schools he attended. Mainly to previous headmasters. Shima just laughed.  

“Oh, little Okumura-” 

“ _Rin_ ,” the shortest teen seethed.  

“I wanted to correct you on something,” Shima continued, not missing a beat after his interruption. Rin simply blinked, confused. Had he said something wrong? What did he say? “I’m not actually in Class 2-A with the others.”  

“You’re not?” Rin asked. He knew Shima wasn’t in Class 2-C, and there weren’t any scholarship students below that. Just rich kids that were flying by without a care to their future since they knew they would inherit their parents’ riches. Then that meant… “What class are you in?” He was slightly nervous, not wanting to really know the answer.  

“2-B,” Shima answered. Yukio tensed. He knew Shima was in Class 2-B. He and Paku both would have been there if it wasn’t for her being in the hospital. Yukio wasn’t positive which class Reiji attended, but he was fairly sure it was 2-B, with Shima. He hadn’t asked since he didn’t want to bring up questions on why he cared. He also didn’t want Shima saying anything to Reiji if they did share a class and let the light-haired teen know he was attending school with his victim again.  

“Oh…” Rin trailed off. His chest hurt, and he felt the anxiety crawl through him. The back of his neck was drenched in sweat. He could feel a panic attack coming on.  

“So, after class we’ll meet up in the library tomorrow, okay?” Yukio suggested. He wanted to get the other teens out of their room as quickly as possible, able to sense the impending panic attack as if he were Rin’s faithful service dog.  

“You got it,” Suguro confirmed.  

“Just a quick suggestion, but if you guys can try and get your brother to give us a remodelled dorm next year, that’d be great,” Shima joked before turning with Suguro and leaving the room.  

“Oh god,” Rin groaned out as he collapsed on his bed, clutching at his chest when they were safely out of the room. Shima went to class with Reiji. Well, he wasn’t entirely sure. But he probably did. Oh god, he went to class with Reiji. He probably talked to Reiji every day. What if Shima said something about him? Did Reiji know he was there? Would he come after him when he least expected it? Oh god.  

“Are you okay?” Yukio asked, returning the female uniform back to the back of Rin’s wardrobe. He didn’t want to disturb Rin by touching him when he was so close to a panic attack.  

“I’m just…thinking about Reiji,” Rin muttered. He would deal through it, but he could feel his breathing quickening. It was growing dangerous to hyperventilation without his permission.  

“Sit up,” Yukio ordered as he sat down on Rin’s bed. The shorter teen groaned once again and sat up with a miserable expression on his face. Reiji was going to find him. He was going to get beat up again. Maybe even another scar on the opposite side of his face to match the one he gained last time.  

“What?” He just wanted to hyperventilate and sweat alone in his bed.  

“I’m counting – breathe with me,” Yukio said. He began to count to ten and watched as Rin breathed in and out with his counting. After a few minutes of doing this, the colour had returned considerably to his brother’s cheeks. “How do you feel?” 

“A little better,” Rin answered. “But…tired. And still freaking out about Reiji finding me.”  

“Do you want me to ask Shima not to say anything to Reiji about you?” Yukio asked. Rin shook his head. It would only bring up more questions about  _why._ Shima would want to know, and if he found out, then it would spread to Suguro. The girls would figure it out eventually, probably from Shima as well. Even Konekomaru and Paku, who Rin hadn’t met before, would probably know about it.  

“Alright…” Yukio trailed off. He didn’t know how to help Rin if he didn’t want to be helped. Instead, the younger twin would just do everything in his power to distract his brother. “Hurry up and get your homework out. We have a lot to review before the study group tomorrow.” 

“Yes, moley-four-eyes, sir.” 

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!” 

* * *

“This is the worst idea you’ve ever had,” Rin groaned out. The six of them had gone through with their study group, but Rin and Shiemi were having a bit more trouble than the others. It made sense since the two were in Class C.  

“You need the studying more than any of us,” Yukio commented. He picked up on things so easily, but Rin always needed more time. Shiemi just got easily confused when thinking of her own ideas and concepts for things. She would make nicknames for formulas, equations, and vocabulary, but would forget official terms because of it. “This will help you to prepare for your schoolwork in a fun and neutral setting.” 

“Fun and neutral setting?” Rin raised an eyebrow. All he could think of was tutoring advertisements he had seen on TV. “You sound like an ad.”  

“Well, I advertised study groups last year, and that’s about the same line I used,” Yukio replied. He turned to his brother to get a peek of what he was studying exactly. After a quick scan, he could already tell what was wrong. “Systems of equations?” Rin nodded. “Those are easy; I’ll show you both how to do it,” Yukio said, waving Shiemi to take a look as he set aside his work. After the two began to catch on, Yukio returned to his own work.  

“Why do you guys bother studying so hard?” Shima asked, setting aside his work at this point. Studying wasn’t really his thing; he only ever participated in this stuff because of Suguro. “It’s not like you’d have to with the headmaster being your brother. You could just relax through your classes!” 

“The headmaster is your brother?” Kamiki asked with wide eyes. She hadn’t been informed of the conversation the boys had the night before. Well, Shima hadn’t had the opportunity to tell her. But this had been his perfect opportunity.  

“Half-brother,” Rin corrected. It wasn’t like they were raised together and had a normal brother relationship. The only brothers Rin and Yukio had a normal relationship with were each other.  

“We don’t need to rely on him to pass us,” Yukio commented. “If we did that, we wouldn’t be ready for our life. He can’t pull strings for us forever.” He was going to succeed with his goals without the help of his brother.  

“You want to be a doctor, right, Yuki?” Shiemi asked. She thought it was such a noble profession. Her family was full of pharmacists, so that’s what she planned to do in the future. Yukio nodded. “What do you want to be when you grow up, Rin?”  

“I’m…undecided,” Rin muttered. He had toyed with several ideas, but he wasn’t ready to pin one down. His recent idea had been to possibly become a therapist. He had seen so many in the past that he was sure he could do something like that. But he hadn’t told anyone, not even Yukio, afraid he would be teased for it. It wasn’t really anything exciting. “Right now, I just want to get my motorcycle license or something. That sounds like it would be cool.”  

“I’ve seen you behind the wheel, and I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Yukio commented. Everyone joined in on the laugh. It was amusing to see Yukio acting like…well, someone their age. His friends had only ever seen him act like a mini-professor before. Now that Rin was there, he actually acted like a kid.  

“Oh crap, I gotta run,” Rin announced when he saw Yukio’s watch. He didn’t wear them himself –  _“watches don’t go with my cool look, Yukio,”_ he had said, to which Yukio replied with,  _“what cool look?”_ – but he often took peeks at Yukio’s.  

“Where’s he headed?” Shima asked, feeling like Rin was just trying to get out of studying with everyone. He didn’t want to study either, but he held out with his friends!  

“He’s obsessed with working out and likes to use the gym when no one’s in there,” Yukio answered. Rin never liked the chance that someone would catch him off-guard when he was working out. He liked to be alone. And if no one was in the locker room, he could change out in the open.  

“See ya,” Rin said as he headed toward the gym.  

Rin’s muscles groaned when he was finished with his workout. Trying out some of the tips Suguro had given him made his body ache and scream to stop working out. And that’s how he knew it was working. He just wanted to pass out when he reached the locker room.  

“There you are.” 

Rin had been pulling out his school uniform to change back into when he heard the voice. It was so familiar. Rin didn’t doubt for a second who it was with anxiety flowing through his body.  

“I was wondering when I’d get you all to myself.” Rin dropped his things, turning to face the light-haired teen that stood directly behind him.  

“Reiji.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a heads up: I am hoping to avoid this, but this may go on temporary hiatus for a while. Nothing is positive yet, though. My computer is broken (thankfully I saved this in my onedrive and have access through my email), I have been pressured into a ton of artwork by school, I need to get my portfolio online, I’ve been having issues with my actual job, I’m trying to move out of my parents’ house and get an apartment closer to school with a friend of mine, etc. There’s just a lot of stuff going on right now.  
> 
> Next Update: December 20th, 2018. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanted to thank the reviewer who has been giving me advice on being trans. I’m actually trans myself, but didn’t know things like that you’re not supposed to exercise in your binder. Now I know why my mom always got mad at me when I did it haha. I always figured it was okay because I’ve been marketed binders specifically for working out, so I didn’t think anything of Rin doing that.
> 
> Also, this part is super important, please read. I might be going on hiatus.
> 
> On December 1st, my childhood friend, the person who would always encourage my writing and even did a few fanfictions herself, the person who made me want to pursue art, Gypsy McEntire, passed away. She was one of my dearest friends and I never imagined a world without her, but it’s here. I’m writing this as I’m also working on the speech for her memorial service, which is shortly before this chapter will be uploaded. I haven’t been dealing with this well at all. I had to force myself to finish the school term and even then I had turned in assignments late because of the stress of this. I haven’t been drawing other than a drawing I did for her, I haven’t been writing much, and I haven’t been doing much of anything that isn’t required of me. Thankfully I have friends who are working hard to keep me busy right now, so hopefully I will be back to writing soon.
> 
> I am not going on hiatus yet. But I might be very soon. I will post a chapter to announce a hiatus if it happens, but this is why.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Blue Exorcist/Ao no Exorcist.
> 
> Also, there are depictions of violence in this chapter. 
> 
> I didn't spell-check this chapter yet. I wanted to get it posted before I ran off to work and I have to work until midnight, so I'll spell-check it when I get home from work!
> 
> UPDATE (1.28.19): This has officially been spell-checked.

Sweat trickled down his forehead and Rin was sure it wasn’t from his workout. Reiji was standing so close to him, leaving barely any room between the two of them. Another person couldn’t have wormed their way between them if they wanted to.

“What are you doing here, Reiji?” Rin asked. His voice had wavered slightly, and he tried his hardest to keep his cool. Reiji couldn’t hurt him. That was a lie. Of course Reiji could hurt him. But Rin worked to try and inch away from the light-haired teen before he was slammed against the lockers.

“I should be asking you the same thing,” Reiji replied. He looked down at the raven-haired teen with distain. “How could they let such a freak like you at this school? Even if you weren’t a diesel dyke, now you’ve got that ugly scar on your face.” Reiji paused and laughed, grabbing Rin’s face and pulling him closer. “And how pink and puckered that thing got too! I did a good job.”

“Get away from me!” Rin exclaimed, pushing Reiji away from him so the taller teen was forced to release his face. He wasn’t going to let himself be a punching bag to Reiji again!

“Oh, you want a repeat of last year maybe?” Reiji asked. He smirked. “I don’t have anyone else with me, and the setting is a little different, but I think we can still manage.” Rin was confused and was about to protest until he felt a striking blow to the back of his head.

 _What was I hit with?_ Rin thought to himself as he hit the ground, seeing black. No, his eyes were just closed. He felt a kick to his stomach, knocking the breath out of him. _What’s happening?_ He could feel his body being dragged over to a toilet stall by Reiji. What was he planning?

“Wha-?” He didn’t have time to think, let alone speak, when he was immersed in water.

 _Oh god it’s happening again,_ Rin thought to himself. _Fight back! You’ve been working out; you can fight him this time. Don’t let yourself get beat up by this jerk again!_ He was pulled out of the toilet. He coughed up the water that had entered his lungs.

“You shouldn’t be at this school!” Reiji exclaimed, punching Rin square in the jaw before shoving Rin back under the water. “You’re a freak! You should go back to that damn hospital and stay there forever!” He took him out to slam his forehead into the porcelain.

“What’s going on here?!” Reiji turned, allowing Rin’s head to fall into the toilet.

 _What’s happening?_ Rin thought. _Someone’s here…who’s here?_ He could barely think. _So tired…_

“Shiratori, what are you doing with little Okumura?”

 _It’s just Rin…_ He recognized that stupid nickname. It was Shima. Why was Shima there? Oh god, Shima and Reiji were in the same room. But that wasn’t the first voice he had heard before, was it?

“I’m just dealing with a pest,” Reiji answered, standing tall. He glared down at Rin, who was still underneath the water. What would happen if he left him there like that? Would he drown? Reiji grinned. He would enjoy that.

“Christ, are you just gonna leave him there like that?!” Suguro exclaimed, launching forward and grabbing Rin, pulling him up. The shorter teen coughed up some water but didn’t move from Suguro’s arms. “What the hell?!”

“You should’ve left it under there,” Reiji remarked. “There isn’t enough room in this world for _that_. Let alone in this school. The freak shouldn’t have been let in at all.”

“What are you talking about?!” Shima exclaimed. Reiji was his friend! He didn’t act like this! “Rin is our friend!”

“Do you even _know_ what it _is_?” Reiji asked with a raised eyebrow. “That _thing_ isn’t even really a person!” Without hesitation, Reiji reached out to grab Rin from Suguro, though the tallest teen dodged him easily with Reiji only getting a snag of Rin’s shirt. It was all he needed, ripping it right off to reveal Rin’s binder. “Look at that! What kind of friend doesn’t tell you about this?! It’s a diesel dyke! It thinks it’s a boy!”

_I’m not…I’m a boy, I swear._

“Get out of here, Shiratori!” Shima shouted, pointing to the exit of the locker room. “If you don’t, I’ll get a teacher and before you know it, you’ll be _expelled_. Try telling that to your rich dad.” Reiji glared to the pink-haired teen that he thought was his friend.

“Fine,” Reiji replied. “I suggest you squash that pest before you leave here. I doubt you’ll get another shot.” He huffed and left the room, leaving just Suguro, Shima, and Rin.

“Is he okay?” Shima asked, coming closer to the others. Suguro had to lean slightly to hold Rin up, trying to place him on his feet. It was no use – Rin was too weak. “He’s breathing, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if he still has some water in his lungs,” Suguro commented. “This thing wouldn’t be good for that,” he added, referencing the binder on Rin’s chest. He wondered if they should remove it, but…he didn’t want to. It would mean everything that just happened was real.

“Oh god, he’s got a nasty bruise on his forehead,” Shima said, allowing his hand to graze it. Rin twitched in pain.

_I must have hit pretty hard to already be getting a bruise._

“If he has a head injury, we need to wake him up,” Suguro muttered. “Should we call someone? He looks like he needs to be in the hospital.” There were bruises forming along his jawline, though they didn’t look as bad as the purple one on his forehead.

“’m ‘wake,” Rin slurred out, though his eyes still didn’t open. He couldn’t force them to, no matter how hard he tried. He tried to stand on his own, but stumbled as soon as Suguro allowed him to support the smallest amount of weight.

“We need a hospital,” Suguro told Shima. He didn’t care of Rin didn’t want it or would fight against it; this was serious. “You take him so I can call emergency services and Okumura.”

“Bon, I don’t think I can support his weight,” Shima commented. Suguro was much stronger than he was. He didn’t think he could handle it.

“You’ll be better at getting him to talk to you,” Suguro reasoned. Rin was closer to Shima than him. Shima had to know a way to keep Rin awake and talking. He tried to devise a plan to allow Shima to support him. “Sit down and I’ll put him on your lap. Just keep him sitting up and _keep him talking_.” Shima followed Suguro’s instruction and he took Rin into his arms while Suguro pulled out his phone and began to call emergency services.

“Little Okumura,” Shima cooed to try and get his friend to start talking again. Rin groaned at the nickname. It was a good start. “Come on, little Okumura, we need you to stay awake.”

“Rin…” he croaked out, his eyes still remaining shut. “’m a boy.”

“I know,” Shima replied. Rin was soaked from all the water, in turn soaking Shima. But he wasn’t worried about it. He just wanted to know that Rin was okay. “Do you feel like you have water in your lungs?”

“…”

“Yo, Rin,” Shima called out, trying to get him talking again. “Little Okumura, come on! You gotta stay awake for me. Can you do that?” Shima wondered if he could get Rin to wake up by pressing on the bruise on his forehead, but decided against it.

“…Uh huh…”

“Bon, I think I’m losing him,” Shima announced. He tried to open Rin’s eyes, but they just kept rolling in the back of his head. He was getting weaker and Shima couldn’t help but feel the same panic he had when Suguro had thrown Rin into the lake and the teen didn’t resurface. Except this time, they didn’t have Yukio’s expertise to handle the situation.

“Fuck!”

* * *

Rin waited for the train, sitting on a bench with his suitcase beside him. He had been in the hospital for three days before being released, able to return to school. The doctors had been worried about his back, which was bruised from being slammed into lockers, as well as the head injury and possible water in his lungs. But he was fine now, other than the bruising that still remained. His right eye had nearly been swollen shut after it being hit with the toilet, but it was only a light bruising now. The right side of his forehead was still bruised badly, but it wasn’t black like it had developed into during his stint at the hospital. Now it was simply purple. He had a blow to the back of the head, but there had been no visible bruising because of Rin’s hair. He needed a wrist brace on his left hand since he had injured it by trying to fight back. It had been twisted badly when he was being shoved in the toilet by Reiji, pulling tendons. He didn’t even realize it was hurt until he woke up to see that it was in a brace.

When released from the hospital, he had rushed back to school to pack his things. He didn’t have friends anymore. Reiji had ruined it for him. He was right back where he started – the freak. Reiji was right; he should have never been let in the school in the first place.

He was so stupid! Rin couldn’t believe he hadn’t fought back harder. He could barely remember the attack after the blow to the back of his head, but he knew everyone would know now. Shiro and Yukio had explained to him that it was Suguro and Shima who found him and was able to get him to the hospital.

“Rin?” Rin turned at the familiar voice of his older brother, Mephisto. “What are you doing here?” Rin didn’t know if Mephisto was concerned about him being out of the hospital or sitting at the train station.

“Waiting for the train,” he answered with a shrug. Wasn’t it obvious what he was doing? He was sitting at a train station with a suitcase. “I don’t really want to talk right now.”

“Is this about what happened with you and Shiratori?” Mephisto asked, sitting down beside his brother. He knew about the entire incident from the year prior. He had been frustrated that there was nothing that could be done. This time, though, it had happened on his own turf – in his school.

“Reiji said I don’t belong in this school, and he’s right,” Rin muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn’t like all the other students. He shouldn’t have showed up in the first place.

“That’s nonsense. This is my school and you _do_ belong in it,” Mephisto replied. There would always be a place for his family at True Cross Academy. He had built the school from the ground up. “And besides, if it’s Shiratori you’re worried about, I’ve expelled him.”

“What?” Rin jumped slightly, eyes widening. “How?!” It wasn’t like there was any more proof than last time. He couldn’t just expel anyone without having evidence to support it.

“Your injuries say more than enough. And there were witnesses this time.” There had been witnesses last time, but Mephisto knew full well that Reiji had paid off his friends. This time, he didn’t have the opportunity. “The students who rescued you were there to see what Shiratori was doing. They’re the ones who put a stop to it and managed to get you to the hospital, and they’ve made their statements to police already. Shiratori has been expelled on the grounds of bullying and assault and is in the process of interrogation from police as we speak,” Mephisto explained.

“Really?” Rin couldn’t help but feel somewhat relieved. If he stayed at True Cross Academy, he wouldn’t have to worry about Reiji anymore. But…he had lost all his friends because of it. There wasn’t a place there anymore. “But my friends all found out about it…”

“I know.” Mephisto remembered when he had arrived at the hospital when Reiji attacked him the first time, finding Rin completely battered. The doctors had said something along the lines of him being in a coma. During those days, there was always someone sitting at Rin’s bedside. “But you haven’t seen them since you’ve been out of the hospital. You don’t know their feelings.” Rin hadn’t really seen anyone. He had only seen Yukio, and before that his dad in the hospital, when getting his things and sneaked away before anyone could catch up to him.

“Are you seriously trying to convince me to go back to school?” Rin asked with a raised eyebrow. His father had confronted him before he left the hospital, wanting him to stay home. Shiro didn’t want Rin to go back to a school where he would be targeted and possibly returned to the hospital. He wanted his son to be safe. But Mephisto was sitting right in front of him, trying to urge him to stay.

“I think you should give your friends a chance,” Mephisto replied. “Maybe they’re shocked. Maybe they don’t understand. But you should at least let them voice their feelings on the matter before you write them off completely.” He hoped the friends Rin had made were good. He hoped they would understand. They were Yukio’s friends too, after all. “Go take your suitcase back to your dorm and talk to your friends. I expect you in class tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll…” Rin trailed off. He didn’t know what to say. Should he protest, or just do what his brother told him to? “Okay.” He grabbed his suitcase and began to head back to the school.

“Such a handful, little brother.”

* * *

“Rin!” When Rin had packed up his things and left without a word, Yukio was sure that was the end of his schooling with his brother. After all, Rin had been attacked by the same person who had traumatised him before. Surely he wasn’t in the best spirits to continue school. And after Shiro expressed his opinion on wanting Rin to stay home, Yukio figured that’s what Rin was doing. He was staying home, returning to therapy, and trying to recover from what happened. So he was surprised when Rin suddenly returned with his suitcase in hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Hoping to get rid of me so easily?” Rin joked, though it didn’t hold the same tone of humour his jokes normally did. He was still upset, but was willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt like Mephisto suggested. “I wanted to talk to everyone about…about what happened.”

“Are you sure?” Yukio had spoken briefly to Suguro and Shima in the hospital, who explained everything they saw and what happened. They hadn’t said anything negative about Rin during their talk with Shiro and Yukio or with the police that arrived at the hospital to receive statements. Rin nodded. “I’ll…call everyone over if you want.” Another nod.

Yukio did as Rin wanted and texted everyone to come to their dorm. He wasn’t sure how to prepare them to talk to Rin, so he said nothing. It didn’t take long for the first knock on the door. He was sure it was Suguro and Shima, who were just next door. They already knew plenty.

“Are you sure about this?” Yukio asked. He didn’t want Rin to be disappointed over failed expectations. He didn’t want Rin to regret this next move.

“I’m sure,” Rin answered. He didn’t see any other option without leaving school. And if Mephisto wanted him to stay, he would need to talk to his friends first. “I had a talk with Mephisto and…I think this is the right next step.”

“Alright. I’ll be here just in case you need me.” He wouldn’t talk, but he would be there for moral support. Yukio didn’t think their friends would lash out at Rin, but in case anything _did_ happen, he was there. Whether that was a physical or emotional problem. Yukio opened the door to reveal Suguro and Shima. They were curious about what they were being called over for when they caught sight of Rin standing behind him.

“Man, are you okay?!” Shima exclaimed as he rushed past Yukio to see his hurt friend. He had seen just how bad shape Rin had been in when they got to him. “It’s a miracle you’re even standing right now! I thought you were gonna die on us.”

“I’m just relieved we were able to get a hold of emergency services in time,” Suguro commented as he stepped in behind Shima. He had been scared shitless when he saw Rin passing out, bruised and bloody in Shima’s arms. “You couldn’t even hold your head up when we got to you. I was so panicked I could barely explain everything on the phone.”

Rin paused. Neither of them had made a comment about his secret. About Reiji’s reveal of his sex. They were just worried about his well-being.

“Um…” Rin didn’t know what to say. Should he reassure them he was alright? Should he go into explaining everything? No, the girls weren’t there yet. It wouldn’t be fair to explain everything to Suguro and Shima first. They would just need to wait for Kamiki and Shiemi. “I’m fine, guys. I had a couple bumps and bruises, but the doctors are sure I’ll be okay.”

“A couple _bumps and bruises_?” Suguro asked with a raised eyebrow. “You were half drowned when we got to you! You still got a damn bruise on your head and is that a wrist brace?!” Rin blinked and looked down at his wrist brace. He still kept forgetting about it.

“I know it looks rough, but I’ve really had worse,” Rin replied. “I mean, this stuff isn’t going to scar or anything.” The bruises would fade. His wrist would heal. But the scar on his face was forever, and he had already endured that. Commenting on his scar made the conversation fade away. Though, it was saved when there was another knock on the door. Yukio opened it.

“Rin!” Shiemi cried out, running toward the bruised teen and wrapping her arms around him. “I’m so glad you’re alright! When Yuki said you were in the hospital I assumed the worst!” She wanted to visit Rin, but Yukio said he would likely want to be alone. He was somewhat right; Rin hadn’t wanted to see anyone when he was in the hospital. But it was only because he thought his friends were talking about him and thought he was a freak.

“I’ll be okay, Shiemi,” Rin replied, wrapping his arms around her. He couldn’t help but bury his face in her neck. It made his jaw and forehead ache, but he relished in the comfort he received from his friend.

“You really look terrible,” Kamiki commented when Shiemi finally released Rin. She looked him up and down, noting how battered he was. “What happened to you, anyway? Okumura said something about you getting into a fight. You know that isn’t tolerated on campus.” Not that it would matter anyway since he was the headmaster’s younger brother.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Rin replied. He didn’t want to tell them. He just wanted to keep his secret forever. But…but he had to tell them. Suguro and Shima already knew. It was only fair that everyone knew. “I…got into a fight.”

“Fighting and bullying is strictly prohibited,” Kamiki repeated. It didn’t do any good. The fight was over and obviously Rin had come out of it fine. Well, he wasn’t in trouble with the school. He looked like a wreck.

“Why did you get into a fight, Rin?” Shiemi asked. Shima and Suguro wanted to know more about that too. Even though they got the gist of what had happened from Reiji in the locker room, they couldn’t help but thinking there was more to it. Rin would have fought back if it was a normal fight, so why didn’t he?

“Reiji Shiratori and I were friends in junior high,” Rin began, taking a look at Shima. He was the one who had classes with the light-haired teen. Well, not anymore, but he had an opportunity to get to know him. “Before then, I never had _any_ friends. Yukio was all I had, but…when I met Reiji, he was great. He was a good friend. We got into our fair share of trouble, but we always had each other’s back.” He sighed. If only things had stayed that way.

“If you were friends with Shiratori, why was he pummelling you like that?” Shima asked, his arms crossing over his chest. Didn’t sound like a very good friend to him. But Rin said he never had friends. Shima had grown up with Suguro and Konekomaru. He knew how friends were supposed to act.

“Last year, he found out I was born a girl,” Rin muttered. He looked to everyone around him, waiting for a horrible reaction. They all just waited for the story to continue. He was surprised. “Um…Reiji didn’t like that. He said I was a freak. He…did this to my face.” Rin paused, holding his hand up to the scar. “And then he held me underwater until I passed out. I don’t really remember much from when I woke up either. Just bits and pieces.” He shivered at the thought.

“So when you came here, he wanted to try again or something?” Suguro asked. He saw how Reiji had been holding Rin under the water. He wasn’t surprised the light-haired teen had tried to drown Rin before.

“He doesn’t think a…freak like me should be allowed to go here.” Rin looked down to his feet. He was waiting for everyone to agree, to leave. But he gave them the benefit of the doubt, waiting for what would happen. Like Mephisto said.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is,” Kamiki commented. She rolled her eyes slightly. “It’s not even like you’re the only one.”

“Are you…?” Rin blinked, processing what had just been said to him. He had never been so open, so it took him a moment to realize what just happened. “No way! You pass so well!” *

“Seriously, Izumo?” Shima’s eyes widened. One of the girls he had been pining after for a year was actually transgender. It wasn’t something he had expected, and he was surprised. A part of him wondered if that’s why she always turned him down.

“It’s not a big deal!” Kamiki’s pale cheeks lit up bright red at the announcement of her sex. It wasn’t something she advertised because it wasn’t important. No one needed to know to understand who she was. “It’s no one’s business but Okumura’s; just like my business isn’t anyone else’s but mine.” Rin smiled; she didn’t need to talk about it.

“I…I just didn’t know if you guys were okay with…everything that happened,” Rin explained. “I was going to tell you eventually, but I didn’t want it to be sprung like that on you. Reiji sort of…well, he outed me before I was ready. But I really was planning on telling you!”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, Rin,” Shiemi spoke, taking her friend’s hands in her own and clutching them close. “I don’t think you’re a freak for being born a girl and living like a boy. Just like I don’t think Izumo is a freak.” Kamiki had actually told Shiemi a while back that she was transgender, but it hadn’t mattered to her. She met plenty of people that lived differently when she was home-schooled.

“Me neither,” Suguro interjected. “You’re as much of a guy as I am.” There was no trace of girl in Rin. Suguro never suspected and there never was a reason to. Rin was one of the guys, just like Shima and Konekomaru were.

“You have a stash of girlie porn mags and you and I even joked about checking out the girls’ locker room together,” Shima commented. “You’re as much of a guy as you get.”

“I’m…surprised.” Rin hadn’t been expecting so much support. Reiji had set the bar a bit low, but this was even better than he could have hoped for. He just wanted them to tolerate his presence in the school despite knowing his secret. But…this was better. “Thanks, you guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I read a fanfic where Rin was trans and they had about the same type of conversation like this and I loved it. I'll find the fic and post the link here when I come back to spell-check it after work.
> 
> UPDATE (1.28.19): The fic is “I Am A Boy” by Owls_Teddies_Confetti_Oh_My on Ao3. Check it out!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m late, please bear with me.
> 
> IMPORTANT:
> 
> Firstly, I want to thank you for your well wishes after I announced my friend’s passing. I don’t think I responded to any of them to be honest. It hurt too much to do so and I haven’t been very active with responding to any of the reviews about it (on FFN or Ao3) and it’s not because I’m singling anyone out. It just hurts, but I do thank you guys. It does mean a lot to know that you are understanding about a possible hiatus with the challenges I’m facing right now.
> 
> About the hiatus, it could still happen. I haven’t decided yet. I’m still struggling with my friend’s death, but it has been getting better slowly. I’m slowly being able to listen to the same songs we listened together without breaking up about it. I’m talking about her more. Life won’t be the same without her and without the idea that I could talk to her again – apart of me will always be waiting for her to text me back – but it’s getting better.
> 
> Two days after my friend’s memorial, I started a new job. It’s a full-time position, which I’ve never had before. Apart from this, I also have another job and am going to school full-time. That’s why I think I might be doing a hiatus for this now. I have to make time to beef up my art portfolio, animate, go to school and do school assignments, work my second job, and work my full-time job. So I’m going to work on this every second that I can if I’m not sleeping (I should be sleeping as I’m writing this because it’s midnight and I have a shift at 11:30 am) but we’ll just see how it goes. As it is, as of writing this, I still haven’t even spell-checked last month’s chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading this announcement.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Blue Exorcist/Ao no Exorcist.

“Exams are finally over!” Rin exclaimed happily as he tossed his things carelessly into his duffle bag to bring back home. In the commotion of another fight with Reiji, Rin had almost forgotten about exams and getting home for the winter break. The incident seemed a thing of the past, and as much as Rin was glad to have made friends, he missed his family back home and wanted to unwind with them for the break. “I can’t wait to see everyone!”

“You’ve been really happy lately,” Yukio commented. He was surprised. Aside from the fact that he had spent his entire life seeing Rin as a frustrated person with his gender identity, he was still recovering from the fight with Reiji physically and mentally.

“I’ve been feeling really great lately.” Rin was riding a high of coming out to his friends and them accepting him. He was happier than he had been before without the weight of having to hide himself. Everything was out in the open now. “I just…I never thought anyone could accept me the way I am except for you guys.” His family had the chance to get to know Rin his entire life. But these new friends didn’t know Rin as much. They could have said he was faking or accused him of lying to them the whole time. But they didn’t. “I thought I would just be alone when you went and became a doctor.”

“There are people besides us who will accept you,” Yukio replied. He had always taken Rin as he was; they were twins after all, they had been together since before birth. And Yukio knew the risks his brother dealt with when he was outed. That’s why Yukio took care to keep his brother’s secret. But their friends were good people. Even though Rin hadn’t known them for very long, they didn’t lash out about it, and one of their friends had even outed herself for Rin’s sake.

“Knock knock!” Kamiki called, grabbing the brothers’ attention as she walked through their open doorway. She had been visiting a bit more frequently ever since she had outed herself. She and Rin had been speaking more than they had before, and Yukio assumed they were bonding over being trans together. He was glad that Rin had a friend that understood his predicament. “Are you two packing to go back home for the break?”

“Sure are!” Rin smirked, shoving his things away for the moment. “Are you going home to your family too?” He wondered what Kamiki’s family was like – she didn’t talk about them that much.

“Yeah, my mom is actually coming to pick me up herself,” Kamiki answered. Rin was surprised, though he didn’t doubt his father would do the same for him. Actually, Mephisto was going to be the ones to take them home.

“That’s great! Hey, maybe we can meet up during the break? We should get the chance to hang out outside of school, ya know? We don’t really get to see each other much during the day,” Rin suggested. “I don’t have a cell phone or anything, so just text Yukio and we can all hang out.” It wasn’t like they would be hanging out without Yukio anyway.

“Sure.” Suddenly Kamiki’s phone made a noise. She pulled it out of her pocket and checked it. “That’s my mom. I better get going, but we’ll make plans soon.”

“Sure,” Rin replied with a smirk as she turned and darted out of the dorm.

“We’d better go meet with Mephisto,” Yukio said as he finished packing his things. Rin nodded; they didn’t want to be late. They would hear a lecture from their brother the whole ride home, and while there would be no malice behind it, it would just be slightly annoying. While they tried to avoid it, Mephisto was tapping his foot next to his pink stretch limousine.

“Chop chop, you two!” Mephisto called out. They slid into the backseat easily and relaxed as much as they could. It would be a bit of a drive. “Rin, you’re looking well,” he commented. Rin looked much better than the last time he saw him. His bruising had healed over the past few weeks and he was in the final days of wearing his wrist brace as well. His wrist had been twisted more severely than doctors originally thought, and they wanted him to continue wearing it for just a bit longer.

“I’m feeling well,” Rin replied even as he curled up in his seat, fully prepared to take a nap. Yukio pulled out a book, but he had a feeling he would be going from listening to Mephisto to supporting Rin’s head during his nap.

“Amaimon wants to see you soon. He was upset he couldn’t visit you while you were in the hospital.” Amaimon used to be a student at True Cross Academy, but he had finished out his schooling and decided to study abroad in the United States. It was a great experience for him and he loved it, but he was ready to come home. 

“I want to see him too,” Rin muttered, but couldn’t keep a conversation as he drifted off to sleep. There was silence for a few moments.

“How is he? Physically and mentally,” Mephisto asked, breaking said silence. Rin had been broken after the last time Reiji fought with him. He was afraid this would shatter Rin completely.

“He seems to be doing better. Much better than the first time around,” Yukio answered. He wondered if it had something to do with Reiji not permanently scarring his brother like the first time. The pink puckery mess was evidence that Reiji had been in Rin’s life. “I haven’t noticed any nightmares since he came out to our friends. He’s been…I think he’s been doing well.”

“Good,” Mephisto huffed with a sigh of relief. He had been worried. “Good,” he repeated to himself.

When they arrived at the monastery, Shiro was waiting for them right out front by the gates. It felt like they hadn’t seen him in ages.

“Dad!” Rin called out, jumping into his father’s open arms. Rin and Yukio had always been very close to their father, and the separation during the school year killed all of them. Shiro had been happier when Rin was closer, going to school where they could visit every weekend. And while Shiro could still visit his children at True Cross, it was much more travel, and he was sure his children wouldn’t take very kindly to his visiting that often. Rin had been fine with it before since he was in a dark place, but now things were different. His boys were growing up and he needed to let go a little.

“Hey, Rin,” Shiro greeted, holding his oldest son close. He pulled out an arm and waved Yukio over, taking him into the hug as well. “I missed you both so much.” It had taken a while to adjust to having such an empty home. Shiro never imagined his carefree lifestyle changing before his children, but it had. The monastery had been bustling with the laughter, tears, and anger of two growing boys over the years. And now it was empty. “How are my boys doing?” Yukio had called once a week, but he hadn’t been given any news lately. Rin didn’t call as often, leaving Yukio to give the updates. He hadn’t seen Rin since the hospital after Reiji’s second attack.

“Everything has been amazing!” Rin exclaimed, beaming about everything. He told his father everything about making friends with Yukio’s friends, that they had accepted him and that he was finally out and proud. He had never been that before.

“I’m so glad that you’re doing well.” Shiro felt like he had a permanent grin on his face now that his boys were home. He squeezed them one more time before letting them go. “You coming in too, Mephisto?”

“I’ve got to get Amaimon from the airport, but we’ll be by soon,” Mephisto said. He waved to the three of them before getting back in his limousine and heading out. The three remaining headed inside the monastery – Rin and Yukio darting to their room to unpack their things and get settled.

Yukio had stepped out of the room when it happened. Rin threw his duffle back onto the bottom bunk of their bunk bed and stared out the window with his hands on his hips. He used to do this often whenever he would wake up in the morning. It was good to be home.

Rin hadn’t been looking anywhere specific outside of the window. He was really just zoning out and relishing in the fact that he was back at home in a familiar setting. But then it happened. He saw that familiar light-haired teen standing outside the gates of the monastery.

_“Okumura!” Reiji called out from the gate of their monastery. Rin looked out the window of his bedroom before darting outside._

_“Hey, Reiji!” Rin greeted when he reached the opened monastery gates._

Rin paused. He was standing right there. Just like he used to do, it looked like Reiji was waiting for Rin to leave the monastery. And he looked…pissed.

“Rin,” Yukio began as he returned to the bedroom from the kitchen where he had been talking to their father. “Dad says he’s making Sukiyaki tonight to celebrate…” He stopped short, seeing the noticeable panic in Rin’s posture. “Rin? What’s wrong?” When Rin didn’t react, frozen in his stance, Yukio placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What?” Rin blinked away. Reiji was gone, he had caught sight of Rin and disappeared before anyone had the chance to see him there. Rin didn’t know why he felt compelled to keep the fact that he saw him from Yukio. He told Yukio everything. _They didn’t have secrets._ But now there was one.

Yukio wasn’t sure how to feel about Rin’s guarded position. He was obviously hiding something, but didn’t want to say what. That was fine, Yukio would play this out.

“Dad’s making Sukiyaki tonight to celebrate us coming home,” Yukio said, finishing his earlier statement.

“I love Sukiyaki,” Rin replied, trying to muster up his usual enthusiasm for his favourite meal, but being unable to. He caught Yukio’s worried look. Obviously he wasn’t acting like his normal self, but he also wasn’t confessing what had happened. His brother had already looked out for Reiji before. He didn’t need to do it again.

* * *

Yukio finally spoke up after dinner. Everyone had returned to their rooms for the night and Rin complained of being tired after the travel, so he went to bed much earlier than usual. It gave Yukio the opportunity to speak with his father about what he witnessed in the afternoon. He sat at the table, trying to figure out exactly _what_ had happened before he said anything about it, while Shiro did the dishes.

“I think something is wrong with Rin,” Yukio said and Shiro _stopped._ His mind flew a million miles an hour trying to figure out what was wrong with Rin. There were a million possibilities, even more so with Rin being hurt by Reiji. Had Rin relapsed into the depression he had been in the last time this happened?

“What’s wrong?” Shiro asked, unsure if he even wanted to know the answer.

_“What’s wrong?” Shiro asked as he wrapped his arms around Rin, cradling his body. His son looked so frail and delicate in the white t-shirt and light grey pyjama pants the hospital had provided him. He was so thin._

_“I don’t wanna do this anymore,” Rin cried, clutching his father tightly. Like he was trying to get closer to Shiro for protection. “I wanna come home, daddy…”_

“Something happened this afternoon…I don’t really know _what_ happened exactly,” Yukio explained. “I walked into our room and he was staring out the window. He looked so panicked, like he…like he saw something.” Shiro dropped the dishes he had been holding into the sink and turned around to stare at Yukio.

“A hallucination?”

“Possibly,” Yukio answered. They both remembered the days when Rin would have a hallucination about Reiji. Those were still early on. He had been released from the hospital for his injuries and wouldn’t leave the house. But every time he looked out the window, he would be overridden with terror at seeing Reiji.

_“Dad! Dad, I see him!” Rin screeched as he backed away from the window peering out to the front of the monastery. “I see him! I SEE HIM!” he cried. Shiro approached only for his arms to be filled with his older son. He held onto Rin as Izumi looked out the window and shrugged._

_“Rin, there’s no one there,” Shiro said, though Rin did not calm. “It’s alright, baby; I’ve got you.”_

“He hasn’t been to therapy in so long,” Shiro mused. He didn’t think Rin needed it anymore, and Rin had insisted that he didn’t either. But…what if he did? He had been hurt again by the same person. It would stand to reason that he would relapse into old behaviours and need assistance from therapy once again. He just hoped it wasn’t so bad that Rin would need to start anti-depressants again. He had been weaned off before school started and had been so glad to be feeling… _normal._ Shiro didn’t want Rin to lose that pride he had developed over himself.

“I don’t think we’re there yet,” Yukio replied. He was sure they could handle this themselves. Whether that was a childish whim to save his brother or outright denial, no one knew. “Maybe it’ll get better. He has a bigger support system than before. Amaimon can come and see him and I can make plans with our friends and maybe he’ll feel better.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Shiro agreed. Hopefully it would work. “I’ll call Mephisto in the morning and ask him to send Amaimon over if possible. I think it would be good for them.” Amaimon and the twins had been so close as children, and he knew it was difficult for the three of them when Rin went to live in the hospital and Amaimon left for the States. Shiro approached Yukio and ran his fingers through his son’s dark hair. “Don’t you worry about this, Yukio. You just enjoy yourself with your friends and your brother; I will handle this.” He didn’t want Yukio to take too much of the burden, knowing that his youngest son had already been taking care of Rin during their school semester. “You organize something with your friends and see if Rin wants to come along. I’ll take care of everything.”

* * *

_“Okumura,” Reiji called out with a sing-song voice. It wasn’t so uncharacteristic for him. He liked to tease and play with his prey. But usually it was Rin who wasn’t on that end of things. “Stop being such a pussy.”_

_“They’re birds!” Rin cried out. They weren’t doing anything wrong – what right did Reiji have to take a crossbow to them?!_

_“It’s not like they’re useful or anything,” Reiji replied. He didn’t see the harm in killing a few birds. He didn’t know why Rin did. “Come on, you try just once and you’ll understand.” He thrust his crossbow into Rin’s hands. “Just do it.”_

_“But I…” Rin trailed off as Reiji adjusted his arms around the crossbow. No! He didn’t want to kill birds! But his arms were completely at the mercy of Reiji. He clenched his eyes shut, but when he opened them, he was no longer the one holding the crossbow. He wasn’t aiming at the birds anymore._

_No, now it was Reiji aiming a crossbow straight at him._

_“You bull-dyke!” Reiji shouted as he glared down at Rin. He couldn’t move. Why couldn’t he move? “You’re the problem with this world! No one wants you in it. What’s next, paedophilia?!”_

_Rin bit his lip. Reiji had never said that point to him before, but others had._

_“You’re going to wish you were never born when I’m through with you!”_

Rin jumped out of bed, gasping for breath and coated in sweat and tears. Not only did Reiji haunt his neighbourhood, but now his nightmares as well. Thankfully no one had woken up, so he must not have made too much of a fuss. Well, Rin thought so until he realized he was the only one in his bedroom. Yukio must have already woken up. Did he hear the nightmare?

“Rin!” Shiro called from downstairs, and the dark-haired teen jumped in his bed at the sound. He heard the steps upstairs and there was a soft knock on the door before Shiro opened it. “Rin,” he started, but stopped at Rin’s dishevelled appearance. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Rin fibbed. He didn’t need his father thinking he was some kind of psych case again. No, he was better now. He had friends now! “Did you want something?”

“Amaimon’s downstairs to see you,” Shiro said. Rin beamed before bolting from his bed and rushing downstairs. Shiro remained where he stood and sighed. Rin had lied to him. He never did very often, but Shiro knew the signs when he saw them. And Rin had certainly had a nightmare as well. They would need to talk.

“Amaimon!” Rin cried out happily, throwing himself into his older brother’s arms in the same way that he had done with his father. Being on the shorter side, one of Rin’s favourite things to do was to throw himself into others’ arms. It was fun and they always caught him. He often joked that Amaimon and Yukio would always catch him even if they had to drop something.

“Rin!” Amaimon never lived with his younger brothers, no, but he did spend a lot of time with them. Amaimon was just two-years old when Rin and Yukio were born, and the three had grown up like cousins. Amaimon lived with Mephisto and was raised by him, and Mephisto and Shiro were best friends and both wanted Amaimon and the twins to have the opportunity to know each other and form a bond that the twins never could with their other brothers. Being separated while Amaimon went to the United States was difficult for all three of them. The oldest of the three decided to return home instead of spending his month off of school in the States when he heard that Rin had been hurt once again. “I’ve missed you! Let me look at you.”

Amaimon took in his brother’s dishevelled appearance quickly. Rin still looked better off than the last run-in with Reiji, but he looked worse than when he saw Amaimon off at the airport. Physically, he appeared fine. His wrist was still in the wrist brace, but Rin had experienced worse. But Amaimon could see the damaged expression in his baby brother’s eyes. If he saw it, he knew everyone else could too, which meant no one was mentioning it for a reason.

“Do you want to go out with me? You, Yukio, and I could go to the carnival,” Amaimon suggested. He remembered seeing a sign for a carnival within walking distance of the monastery and hoped that it would cheer Rin up.

“I’m not really feeling it right now,” Rin answered. He didn’t want to go and risk Reiji being nearby. He didn’t want to face that fight again and shivered at the thought. Amaimon caught this.

“How about we just hang out here then? Like our old playdates.” Amaimon didn’t want Rin to go and hole up in his room like he had surely been doing. Shiro and Yukio had expressed worry to him when he first arrived about Rin relapsing with his hallucinations and his depression. They were all concerned but didn’t want to bring this up to Rin in the event that it could make everything worse. So they would wait and observe.

“I’d like that.” And thankfully, Rin smiled.

For the rest of the afternoon, Rin detailed how he had actually come out to his friends. There was always the underlying thought of, _“and they didn’t even hurt me!”_ but no one mentioned that. Rin never said it. Amaimon didn’t acknowledge it. But it was on everyone’s minds.

Rin wanted to mention how Kamiki had even come out to him during that time, but he didn’t want to out her without her permission. After all, he didn’t think she would go to her parents or siblings and tell them about him being trans. But it was nice to have an ally who actually went through the life of being trans. His family was supportive, but Kamiki really understood the everyday life of it.

“Are you going to spend some time with them over the break?” Amaimon asked curiously. If this new group of friends was good like Rin said, he wanted them to be around. Rin needed a support system that wasn’t just based on his family. And friends that were good hopefully meant no more injuries.

“I think so; they’ve already been texting Yukio about it,” Rin admitted. Since he didn’t have a phone, everyone texted Yukio and the younger twin always went to Rin with the messages. They were hoping to schedule something for the weekend after everyone managed to get settled with their families. They were all mostly just a train ride away anyway.

“That’s good.” Amaimon smiled. “And you know…if things get bad again and you don’t want to talk to us…you could always talk to them.” There was a pause and Rin averted his eyes. _How did they always know?_ “Right?”

“Right,” Rin agreed. He wasn’t sure though. Could he really go to them with all his fears? With the fact that he had seen Reiji? With his past depression? They would understand, sure. Suguro and Shima had been there after all. But…would they turn on him if they found out? They were willing to handle him as trans but…what if they just stopped? “Of course, I can always count on them,” Rin added. If his friends could handle him being trans, they could handle his whole self.

Right?

* * *

“Rin! Come on, everyone’s here!” Yukio called upstairs. All their friends from school had gathered from the monastery to go to the carnival together. Suguro and Shima brought Konekomaru, who had been absent from school due to a family emergency. And Amaimon had stopped by as well.

“So you’re Rin and Yuki’s older brother?” Shiemi asked Amaimon curiously while waiting for Rin. She didn’t know much about their family. She had known Yukio for years because he would accompany Shiro to her family’s pharmacy, but hadn’t met Rin until they began school together and certainly didn’t know any of their older brothers.

“Yep!” Amaimon answered. “I’m a few years older. I’ve been studying abroad in the United States, but I think I’m here to stay.”

“You’re staying?” Yukio was surprised. Amaimon hadn’t said anything to him about staying in Japan. He assumed his older brother would be leaving to return to the United States again once Rin was back on his feet and when school started again.

“I’ve been thinkin’ about it.” Amaimon gave Yukio a look that said they would speak about it later. He didn’t want to say in front of all the twins’ friends that he was thinking about staying to look after Rin. And he especially didn’t want Rin thinking he was holding Amaimon back. “Rin, hurry up!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Rin stumbled down the stairs, pulling on a sweater. He had been hesitant about leaving the monastery at all, but it wasn’t like he would be alone. Everyone would be coming along. “Oh, you must be Konekomaru,” Rin said once he noticed the shorter boy in front of him. He was surprised – he wasn’t the shortest one anymore. The bald boy nodded.

“And you’re Rin? Okumura’s twin brother?” Konekomaru asked. Rin nodded – Konekomaru must have gotten the memo that he liked to be called Rin to distinguish him from everyone calling Yukio by their last name.

“Why aren’t you wearing your brace?” Kamiki asked, noticing the brace missing from Rin’s wrist. His skin surrounding it wasn’t quite so swollen anymore, and it was no longer that nauseating purple colour, but it didn’t look quite the same as his other wrist. Perhaps still lightly bruised even after a few weeks of healing time.

“I hated that thing. The doctor said I could take it off yesterday, so it’s rotting in a drawer,” Rin answered.

“But he’s to put it back on if he feels any soreness,” Yukio added. He was going to be keeping an eye for that, knowing there was no way Rin would willingly admit to needing the brace again.

“We ready to go?” Rin asked.

“Just waiting on you, princess,” Amaimon commented, flashing Rin a wink. They both knew it was a teasing comment and not an insult. But Amaimon couldn’t help but wonder if it stung his brother just a little bit.

“Alright, Alright, let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to add more to this, but it was already late so I wanted to just post it and get it over with
> 
> I’m also skipping February’s update to catch up on my writing.
> 
> Next Update: March 20th.


	7. Temporary Hiatus

I'm sure everyone has noticed that the new chapter didn't come out. I haven't posted this announcement yet because I thought I would be able to at least get it done by Friday, but here it is Sunday, and the chapter isn't finished. I also don't want to half-ass a chapter for you guys because you deserve better. 

Right now, I'm still working on the chapter. I'm really excited for it, but also working over 40 hours a week and going to school full-time, which is taking a toll. I haven't worked on really any hobbies, so it isn't just this chapter that's being delayed. Even right now I got about 6 hours of sleep and I have to go back to work in a couple hours. 

I'm really really sorry right now, guys. I feel so guilty that I didn't just post this on the 20th, but I really thought I was going to be able to get it done. 

In the meantime, temporary hiatus. 


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